Madeleine and I have reached new levels of joy in our relationship.  I never knew that two people could be so close.  And to think, all I had to do was watch Madeleine for several weeks, make notes about her schedule and habits, send her numerous letters about how i like the way she does things, like that time when she thought she was alone, and she picked her wedgie right there on 81st street (don't worry, I got a picture).  Then all I had to do was wait in my unmarked van near that park where she likes to read, chloraform her real quick, bang her in the head with a wrench after it turned out that what i thought was chloraform was really just Aquafina, drag her into my van, drive her to the abandoned farmhouse I recently purchased upstate, drag her into the even more abandoned, abandoned basement of the abandoned farmhouse, attach her to the special "love" table I made, and then use my new book, "Surgery for Dummies" to remover her left arm, left boob, left lung, left kidney and left stomach, and finally, graft myself to the new open space on Madeleine's side. 

As we lie here on the love table, which is now appropriately red, the color of love, and as I listen to her shallow, one-lunged breathing, i feel so connected...I mean, not just literally connected, which we are, but also emotionally connected...and i feel like we've bonded, and i mean, not just bonded by stitches, which we are, but bonded by feelings...I just...I feel as if we are one person...which we are. 

Oh, Madeleine, I think I have a wedgie.  Let's pick it together.