So stunt doubles, it be that time again… Strap yourselves in, because here we go:
Have any of you heard of this website called textsfromlastnight.com? I have recently discovered it and found that I am glad I don’t drunk text people. I don’t drink that heavily anyway, but wow. The misadventures of these crazy young people are hilarious. And some aren’t really drunk texts though too. They are the ramblings of those individuals are ‘medicating’ for their ‘glaucoma’ problems. And random hook-ups. It makes you wonder.
Now this isn’t a posting on how people shouldn’t drink heavily or smoke marijuana or anything like that. I think that when you choose a designated driver, they should also take your phone away from you and help keep you from making bad decisions. You should also pay this individual some form of monetary supplement for their services. Not those kinds of services. Pervert. I’m talking about how they are practically babysitting you. Let me tell you a tale of a most recent adventure of young man who decided to get heavily intoxicated. Okay, this is a story about me.
First weekend of April. For those of you playing along, it was my first weekend with Electric 96-9. My sister Andrea [not real sister, but we’ve known each other for 5 years and she is as close to family as they come; which comes into play later on in the story] lives in Sedalia, MO and reminded me that we hadn’t hung out in forever, pretty much since she got married. So I made plans to visit with her. Also, I went there to see this cute girl that she knew. I know I’m a horrible person, but I’ll get over it.
So we were up there in Sedalia and then on our way to this country bar called Cadillac Ranch or something in Warrensburg, MO. I had a lot to drink. I started out drinking rum and cokes, which are great. I have never been a big fan of beer since I got back from the United Kingdom, but that’s another story for another time. Started with Rum/Cokes, worked my way toward Double shots of Crown Royal, which are amazing. My little brother Earl drinks them a lot and recommended that I try them sometime. After several of them, I’m starting to feel pretty warm. By the way, her friend is really cute and asked me to dance toward the beginning of the evening. I tell her that I’m nowhere near drunk enough to dance. And then, the barmaids are doing this thing where you get free shots. Guess where I am? Right. At the bar, getting my free shot. Now, I’m getting buzzed enough to dance. And I’m a pretty good dancer hammered.
Now at this point of the story, I’m drunk texting people. I don’t find out til later that they are written atrociously and horribly misspelled. Andrea tells me to put my phone up. I kinda do. For like 10 minutes. Bar closes and we go to Denny’s. I’m stumbling, waving at cops and not being that much of help for people who don’t want to hit a car when backing their truck up. Took me a few to get into Andrea’s truck. Which happens to be three minutes after I tell her that she’s hot [See? Told you it would be awkward if I didn’t clarify that she is a good friend and not really my sister]. And then the great conversation on the drive back to Sedalia, the contents of which were reminded to me the following morning.
Next stop: Denny’s at 2am. I don’t have a problem with ordering my food. I do have a problem eavesdropping. And talking about how attractive the women are in this place. ‘She’s not hot. How funny would it be if I said that really loud?’ ‘Shawn, no. This is hilarious.’ ‘It would be funny.’ ‘Shawn. No.’ After punishing my digestive tract with Denny’s, I head back home to my sister’s house and pass out on her couch.
Now while this is a funny tale about the effects of an Irishman with alcohol, it doesn’t quite top the text message I received from my best friend: “They have killed the great ostrich king. We’re going to Waffle House.”
Hope you have a great week and I’ll be here…Same Bat time, same Bat Station…
S.James
Also, if you have something you would like me to comment on, feel free to send me an email at shawn@electric969.com