I love you Heather. I hate to see you like this. I'm sorry you're at such a point where you literally believe this is it for you. But it's not. You are an amazing talented smart funny person who got stuck in a shit situation. You WILL get to a point and place where you'll be truly happy and you can wake up happy knowing you have stuff to look forward to. Just please never give up. And remember that you have friends who love you and would do anything for you. When you have nothing left to hold onto they are the one thing that will always be there. Don't lose hope ok? It won't always be like this.
 

you should just get a job in yosemite and move out here. the end.
 

I don't blame you. Tell that 18 year old to shut her fucking mouth, it's not like she ever even tried to go to school. Going to schoool is harder than just getting a job right after high school, especially if your family is poor and doesn't even care if you go. I'm going to need a roomate in January... $225 a month, all included. Just a suggestion. You can stay as long or as short as you want to, and the bathroom drains all work. Oh, and you can buy good food and put it in the fride and make a whole meal all at one time without someone eating part of it first, or wasting it on something stupid. But anyway, that's really messed up that Grahame told you that you can't sing in choir anymore. COME BACK TO DTS!!! We need your voice!!! Everyone asks where you are. And Mary Lou would love to have you as a student.... hint, hint....
 

yo my first thought at reading about your love for singing and your "voice teacher" - Mary Lou Muratori. SHe's great and t's cheap and quality lessons!

AND... please come back to DTS!!! Mike and I went this Sunday... missed you and your beautiful voice!!! I swear I sing better when I sit next to you. I have a weird imitation talent. Anyways...

we love you!!!
 

I'm sorry that you're feeling this way, but don't give up hope. And just so you know, you're family is always going to be your family yes, but you don't have to live your life thinking that just because they are making there lives unravel and are staying it a stationary place of dissapointment that you will. You're still young (eventhough I joke we're old) and you have a whole life ahead of you. Just set some small goals for yourself so you can reach your bigger goals. You're bright and talented and you deserve much more than to sit around letting your life unravel because your family is. I love you, even though I rarely say it anymore. And I'll do whatever I can.
 

well.
ok so
i love you lots. and i've known you longer than most anybody, and have known your family as well. and i realize i dont spend time with them anymore, the way some of your friends might, but thats because i can't. i was your friend forever, i practically lived at your house, i called your mom "mommy" - and i still got treated like shit by ana, and accused of stealing by your whole family - on multiple occasions. i have no respect for them, for any of them. i am sorry, but i love you, and you're better than them. i know they are your blood, and that you do love them - and i know your mom loves you deeply, and tries her best. but being there is terrible for you. its negative, and its been bringing you down for years. i dont think any of your friends might understand this the way i do. you need to get out of there. you're never going to be happy while you're there - there will always be a screaming child, there will always be an argument, there will always be drama, there will always be negativity. i agree you do need to make small goals and just work towards them. a second job, or just a better job - the one you have doesnt treat you right, and you can't ever make enough money there. some debt consolidation - because you CAN do it and i'll help you as much as i can - go to the bank with you, whatever you want. if you can do those things, you can get an apartment with someone (like me :) and if you could do that, i think you'd be surprised at how much better you would feel waking up each day. your family will always be your family, but if you could wake up in your own bed, in a clean room, in a quiet apartment with your own stuff and your own food, and no revolving door of people in and out - you have no idea how much happier that would make just the start of each day, trust me. i'll help you find a place, even if it wasnt with me - help you move, anything. i know someday you want more - school, and a better job, success, and a family - and to get out of this area. thats what we all want - but its not going to happen right away, so you need to work on things that are within closer reach for now. thats what i'm doing - i wake up every day wondering how i can go on, never being able to be in love again. i think about how i was thrown away and it kills me. i feel like whats the point of going on, living with this every single day. i probably cry at least once a day, without fail. and i want to run away, leave here, never think about any of this again. but i cant right now - so i understand how you feel. i guess this is a big huge message basically telling you, youre right, life sucks. you're right, your circumstances are shitty. you're right, this town is fuct. but i love you, and i'll do anything i can to make you happy, if there is anything. just dont give up, because when you do, then theres nothing your friends can do to make it better either.
I LOVE YOU!!!!
ps - sorry about the yankees. i was really really hoping they'd make it. and i dont even care. but i care for you, haha! :):)
 

heather, life can really stink sometimes. i will be praying for you. "when my heart is overwhelmed, lead me to the Rock that is higher than I" (Ps. 61:2)