I had a dream yesterday that held so much significance to my life.

I've had so many dreams over the years where people have aggravated me, angered me, and/or hurt my feelings. In these dreams, I usually wanted to physically harm these people, yet every time I tried, there was a wall that disallowed me from doing so. I would throw punches, yet they would not hit the targets. I would constantly wonder why my punches didn't hurt others when the punches they threw at me caused so much pain.

I realized that this symbolized my soft nature, fear of hurting others' feelings, and previous avoidance of confrontation. I would rather sit angry and dissatisfied than risk upsetting someone else, even if the issue at hand was something that truly ate me away. I would overanalyze and obsess over the situation, moping in secret fury, as the person who pissed me off would continue on their merry way without even realizing the impact of whatever they said and/or did.

Last night, I dreamt that people pissed me off again, only this time, I grabbed them fearlessly and beat the crap out of them. I was strong, and my punches hurt. I'm not saying that I condone violence; infact I've never really been in a physical fight, despite having done marshall arts. I know how to defend myself if I have to, though my fear of hurting others at one point would most likely transcend into physical matters as well.

Lately, I've been unafraid of confrontation, which is strange for me because I've had an avoidant personality pretty much all my life. I've always gone out of my way to please people until recently. I just don't see the point of bending over backwards for people who won't do the same for me. Yes, I do still VERY much believe in the "golden rule" (you know, Matthew 7:12, do unto others as you would wish to have done unto you), but there's a fine line between being a good samaritan and being repeatedly taken advantage of - I may be walking on that line but I hope to never cross it again.

I just wrote a song about this. It's dedicated to everyone who is afraid of speaking their mind.

The Bitch Within

I was always the kid who ran away
When anyone wanted to kick my ass
As a kid, I'd hide behind a bush and pray
That they would all walk by and pass
Then, I tried to appease those kids
I paid them off so I'd have friends
I saw nothing wrong with what I did
'Cause I never got beat up again
But now that

CHORUS:
I'm older and colder and bolder
With experience packed on my shoulders
I've unleashed the bitch within
Overtaken by sensations of frustration,
I'm not afraid of confrontation
I've unleased the bitch within

I always gave everyone their way
'Cause I didn't wanna start a fight
It was always the same thing every day
That's fine with me, ok, alright
I never insulted anyone 'cause I was scared of war
If I got insulted, my response was forget and ignore
But now that

CHORUS

There has to be a time in life when the passive one breaks
Use your voice and speak your mind even if it shakes

Because you're older and colder and bolder
With experience packed on your shoulders
Go unleash the bitch within
Overtaken by sensations of frustration,
Don't be afraid of confrontation
Go unleash the bitch within