seriously....it's even worse than my description below...not so much a review as a..well read it...and enjoy....:-D


the cell 2  looks like it was filmed in 1974...that's a bad thing...jumps into a story with no kidn of explanation or backstory explained...also suddenly there's a psychic bitch? uhhhh huh? the people are orange..tint is way fucked up and it wasn't during trailers....wtf???  and looks like saw..kay i get that but where's the creative imaginary things from teh first movie? 1 year later disolves into a soft core porno......wtf? this is bad times bad...worthless garbage...SEroiusly what in the hell is going on with the tint? Why does this movie look like it was filmed on a hand held camera in the early 70s? Why are we supposed to care about anyone in this movie? Maybe we should feel sorry for them being IN it but aside from that...no...and why is the killer using a GIGANTIC effin lap top computer...and an old school dat recorder.....uber low budget? WHY do we already see the killer in the first 3 minutes of the movie? Why can I not say anything but why about this atrocity? I think if I filmed spears of poo on a carpet and ran them as a series of clips it would be more entertaining than this garbage...AND WHY the fuck did the killers jeans change mid scene? (okay so maybe that one didn't really happen but seriously looks like different pants haha)..........AAAAAAAAAAAND why does the killer sound like herman munster and lurch mixed into one...OR better yet...hulk hogan when he tries to sound intimiadating? ....Look at ALL of this I have written and I can't sseem to find anything good to say about it yet...........go figure ...I DID know better but morbid curiostiy made me want to see this pile..never mind it's about as much of a sequel to the first movie as uhm......jason x is to the first friday the 13th..hahhahahah (ie the mythos isn't even the same and it's ridiciolous).....these people couldn't act their way out of a box to save their lives........EVERYONE invovlved with the making of this should be embarassed (i said all that and im not even 19 minutes in..hahahhaha)...horrible  (just for shits and giggles sakes...i looked this up on rotten tomatoes..only 6 people have rated it...it has a score of 0.00...I don't really like that site but since it keeps being mentioned by someone i listen to often enough on the radio i've gone to it a few times...point being it's supposed to be a good site for movie ratins or whatevr and there aint squat about the cell 2 on it...am i supposed to believe there's only a handful of us stupid enough to have wasted the time to watch it?)...the first cell wasn't an award winning peice of film by any means BUT it did at least have interesting visuals to look at.....this movie, i cant say enough, looks like it was filmed in the early 70s......visually it looks like .....well a blank piece of paper....although a blank piece of paper might just be more visually stunning because of what you can envision on said piece of paper...this terd of a movie makes one want to drown themselves rather than sit through all of it because it's entirelly menaningless, pointless, ridicilous, retarded, dumbasstical, craptastic, stupidity on a level perhaps never quite acheived....I HHHHHHHHHHHATE the strangers and I think I would rather be subjected to the strangers..and quarantine a thousand times than sit through the cell 2 again AND I'm now a mere 24 minutes in....haha.......35minutes in and i've basically tuned out...BUT did notice none of the cars have forotn license plates...anyone else LOVE when they attempt to mask where a movie was filmed by doing something stupid like that? MY particular favorite is movies filmed in vancouver, set in new york, washington license plates....ahhh gotta love the stupidity (if one car had a washington plate okay...maybe two..but when EVERY car suddenly driving around in new york has washington plates...not uh) Back to the movie...there was just a car chase...that abruptly ended and took us to a dr talking to a dead body......the kicks just keep coming...hahahhaa on a plus side of things people have returned to looking almost normal skin color...maybe it's the harsh lights of the morgue..and ooooope they zoom in on the lead chick and she's still orange.....is she trying to be as dark as jlo?.....AAAND orange people are all back.....and now it's snowing..and now it's not...now it's snowing...now it's not.....now they look like they are in an entirely different climate.....people running from people with guns for no real reason......good god almighty this shit is HOOOOOOOOOOOOORIBLE .05*s at this rate I think..might be a new king terd of shit moutain as far as worst movies I've ever witnessed (that i didn't sleep through anyway..and I'm probably only awake because I'm typing..hahahha)...oooh time for the chick to get naked and have some sex ***oops spoiler?*** 42 minutes in..the main chick is whining and bitching about memories blah blah blah....I'd like to see her be shot in the head and her brains splatter on the back wall so credits could roll right now.....also for some stupid ass reason this movie looks like they want to be scanners.....scanners was great for its time...but it had LOTS of things going for it that this pile doesn't...half way thorugh the movie or so and pretty much NOTHING has actually happened.....I wish all of these people (the characters i mean....) would just die and be done with it ((on that note the actors certainly have killed tehir careers by appearing in this pile of crap..but than as I've pointed out it seems most people of the world were smart enough to avoid it....but not me. :-D ))  ........."we're living in this island earth".....so halloween was interesting....oh shit did I get sidetracked? Now it's snowing....LOTS AND LOTS AND LOTS OF snow......it only took 45 minutes for a brief glimps of something creative....wow...and it lasted all of 34 seconds...thanks asshats...47 minutes or so..the killer reminds me of ned flanders....i was going to say he LOOKS like ned flanders but more so just made me think of him first as a comparsion (although now that I mentioin it ...he kind of just a little bit DOES look like ned flanders.....OR he looks like what you would imaine richie rich would look like as an adult...haha).....the actresses in the lead seems to either suddenly have a peirced nose or has a huge zit on her nose.....you watch and decide for yourself....no i mean...seriously..wait..yeah no...uhm...IF you are stupid enough to watch this just follow her nose...maybe it will lead you to a bowl of fruit loops?  1hr...begs the question..do cops often start out as emt? or do emts regularly say HEY I think I'd like to be a cop now instead...I have a feeling no.....ooh an hour and 2 minutes and finally we see something that mildly harkens back to the visual creative genius (or just creepyness) of the original movie.......that is until it turns into a fuckin boiler room.....freddy krueger is apprantly going to come out and play (((this scene fuckin lierearlly looks like a scene from one of the nightmare movies....everything about it....wow..homage?)))..1hr 8 minutes..wow..the bitch is white....who knew? she has been so dark throught htis movie....I can't believe she's a honkey.......also so much for the visual magic...a better effect can be had by dropping acid and dumping various colored waters on an overhead projector (((true story one of my teachers in high school told a story about how they used to do such things...or maybe he was talking about others doind...iono...damend freaks))).......wish this chick would jsut get naked and be done with it :-D...speaking of other than the gratitious entirely unncessary pair of tatas we saw in the first 18 minutes or whatthehellever it was there actually has be no more nudity.....pointless nudityis always the best right? ........**SPOILER** an ax to the back will make a ring of blood form around your mouth....""everyone else loves ned ....brings me back to seriously who in the fuck thought this movie was a good idea....who in the fuck greenlit it..and who in the fuck was allowed to release it in the continental united states? it should be something you would buy on the streets of taipe for 3 dollars or maybe hawaii....not something that stores try and rob people of 15-20 bucks for...or 5bucks from blockbuster (i magically got it free..drinking coke has it's rewards...Get it...coke..rewards..as in my coke rewards...yeah I'm crafty like that)..........now a dead guy is trying to kill people in a dreamscape.....yeah this movie ALMOST makes some bit of sense....and by almost I mean not a whole fuck of a lot...and now we are at da da daaaah 1hr 14 minutes of this hr and 34 minute disasterpiece....flanders""......."you saw my blinker bitch".........1hr20 minutes.....ooooh ********SPOILER******the two mainish leads are making out........and as this movie began with whys it ends  with whys....like why in the mother fucking hell is there 11 minutes of fucking credits? Seriously the fucking movie is over now.......anywho...for some ignorant ass reason the not at all exciting conclusion of this pile of crap involves a helicopter...and a baseball stadium covered in snow....WHy? Why did the sheriffs jacket have a backwards american flag on it? Are they some redcoat anit american commies? WHY? Why the fuck was I so fuckin dumb that i bothered watching this? ......why ask why? hahahhahahhahhahaha fuck this movie in it's ass with sandpaper used for lube.....that is all except for this following bit;;; (make that two bits)



bit 1
.15*s  so bad it's well...just bad...one of the chicks in the movie has nice enough legs...and i saw some hooters...so that's each good for about a .o5...add that to the other .05 i gave it based on the pure suckage and there ya go...so if you don'tcare about a chicks hooters or nice enough legs... .05 :)  (written 55 minutes into the movie down to 37 minutes remaining..sans credits a bit over a half hour and nothing has been established to give a fuck about let alone have a climax or conclusion to) (oh and there's a coolish car...haha)


bit 2.
Our 11 minutes of credits includes lots of moutain scenery intersperced with the words on the screen....none of which has any reveanace to any of the fucking movie...it's as if they just decided to say HEY here look at these moutains and bodies of water....we realize the 'film' you just watched is an atrocity to mankind but here's some niffty moutain tops and such that have been here for millions upon millions of years....maybe they just had an extra day to play with the helicopters they didn't really need to have in the movie...the climax..is so entirely anticlmatica that well.....just trust me on that..OR watch it...try not to hurt yourself after though..............................630 left in the 'movie' and it seems they felt like adding making of behind the scenes footage to the credits....WTFINGHELL was the point of 30 seconds of a car....omfg..seriously .15*s is probably being to generous....more like..... 0.005 there we go....new offical ratting

.005...Fin'


ooooh but no there not done yet...420 left and hey lets show teh helicopter and the guy dangling from it....WOOOOOOW amazing....this god damned movie is only 80 fucking minutes long but the case says 1hr and 34...eat a bag of fucking dicks I want my money back..(oh shit...I didn't pay..never mind)


(forgive me blogosphere of these typos because I'm to lazy to fix them at this time)

someone should be imprisoned for this "film"..seriously..

and now as the credits just hath finsihed...


FIN~


Shit I lied.....the 80 fucking minute long movie..has a 30 god damned minute long behind the scenes feature on the dvd....9 seconds in and it's 10000000*s compared to the movie...I do think the making of feature might be worth watching....the movie IS NOT

thank you