(listen to "Complete" by Audra Lynn)

The drumbeat is playing in my head as I sit here in front of this computer screen, typing away at this keyboard.  It was a song I listened to on the way to the office this morning.  "My love is as strong as death; a burning flame for you."  At the moment this idea of love so strong seems so silly.  I am a woman entering data on a computer system... for some reason this setting makes me feel insignificant and boring.  I'm thinking about the feeling of the song; how ethreal the sense of it and how deep it reaches into me... and how shallow I feel sitting in this chair.  It just doesn't fit.  When I am here it doesn't seem real.

Just outside the window is a river of cars and trucks; people living their mediocre lives, making money, getting around.  Is there love so strong out there?  I am listening to the voice of an ancient text speaking of a love that shatters through all comprehension.  To what lengths would a man go to show his love these days?  You cannot compare the efforts of man to Jesus and his life.  It is a romance so deep, you will never find it with any man; never have it with any lover.  It's unfair to ask for it because it is something you will never be able to reciprocate.

What I have been craving is romance, but perhaps I will never find it in the places that I look.  How many times have I been told that a man cannot validate me or even fill me, and I still dream of Mister Perfect who will take away this ache inside.  I sigh and wonder if I'll ever find a man who would break the mold and do something extraordinary just to show me he loves me.  But it seems to be that the only place to find that love is in Christ.  It is frustrating to hear that because Jesus is alive in spirit, not in flesh, and I crave that connection with someone I can see and hear and touch.  And yet the more I learn of it and spend time with Him in prayer, the deeper my heart aches for Him alone. 

In the past, reading things like this would only frustrate me.  I always thought to myself, "I just want a man!  Stop telling me these stupid stories of some lame romance with Jesus.  Whatever!"  because in all honesty, when you don't really understand, it just sounds retarded.  It's like having an imaginary friend.  Where's the logic to that?  There is none.  What that frustration turns into when I finally accept it is brokenness.  I break down and cry from somewhere hidden.  Why would He want to love me?  I cannot ask for it nor can I reciprocate it.  I can only live as close to that love as possible.