"Lord, let me be strong enough to stand on my own without using the church as a crutch..."
I've noticed a trend among my friends, myself included.  We tend to think that the ultimate goal is to be strong enough by ourselves; that the church is a training ground and we have to find the strength within ourselves to be pure and holy and stay close to God.  If we are not able to do that by ourselves, then we are not strong Christians.
I'm beginning to think that's totally wrong.
I started thinking about myself honestly this morning and began to realize that if I was not a leader in my church, I would fall apart.  I've thought about this before, but not to this depth.  People are always watching.  I am a face on the stage and because of that, people look to me as a leader.  Could I stand in front of a congregation and help lead in worship if people think I am a sinner?  Because they see me on the stage, they watch me off of it.  And because of that I am always ever-so-careful of how I live my life.  This is a small town and everyone is connected somehow.  And by human nature, word gets around.
I want my position.  I want to be close to God and to help others and to lead in worship.  It makes me feel alive.  It would take a few wrong steps and I would lose everything I've worked so hard for.
Personally, if I saw a friend drinking, I would not judge and think the worst.  But because I am a leader to young girls in a youth group who are under-age struggling with alcohol addictions, I wouldn't be with that friend when they drink or be caught dead with an alcoholic beverage in my hand.  I wouldn't really mind missing church every once in a while, and was never really active or stable going in the past.  But because I sing on the worship team, I'll drag myself out of bed when I'm completely worn out and go.  Because I am where I am, and even at home there are girls who look to me to lead them, I am careful about how I talk; about what I watch on TV and the music I listen to.  I am not perfect, but I would not live at this standard on my own.  If I moved away to a place where no one knew me, I would fall hard.
And really there are nights when I just want to say, "screw it all" and just give in to laziness and depression or lust.  But I know that when I wake up in the morning I have to lead, and that fact stops me from giving in.
It's hard to lead someone in purity when you are struggling with lust yourself.  It's impossible to teach someone to have a good attitude when your own is terrible.  You can't blame others for going back on their word when you do it constantly.  You can't teach strength when you let others walk all over you.  And you can't teach anyone to be confident if you yourself are driven by fears and insecurities.
It's human nature: followers will always set their standard just below the leaders.  so in order to get others to raise their standards, you must first raise your own and live above what's acceptable.
Most importantly, God sees what you do, and will not bless you if your life is full of hidden sin.  My girls are spiritually oppressed when I am allowing hidden sin into my life.  I am accountable for all those under me.  Because of that, I must be better, do better, and live close to God.
The thought entered my head, what if I married a man who loved the Lord, but didn't have high standards?  I would fall straight down.  Because in all truth, I am not strong but for those who follow me.  Were any man to take me out of my place of leadership, I would not make it out strong and pure for God.
And that is one reason why so many people go through Masters Commission and "experience God," and then leave and start doing drugs again, or making bad decisions...  it's because they expected themselves to just be strong enough to be holy on their own.  They didn't realize how weak human nature really is, and that it takes others to help you grow spiritually.  They relied on the changes God made in them, not on God himself.
Some people I know are only holy when incarcerated.
It is a wise person who places himself under the authority of godly people and makes the right friends who know his struggles and keep him accountable.  A person by himself trying to be holy, surrounding himself with others who don't care is a dead end.