I am frustrated.
Only because I care about you.  You see, the voices in your head are telling you that you are rejected.  They tell you never to trust again.  They tell you that you don't have a place and that you don't fit in.  These voices say you aren't good enough and you aren't welcome in the body of Christ.  You don't realize that, because you already accepted those statements, you fell.  Because you believed you were rejected when everyone around you was telling you how much they loved you, you couldn't recieve it.  You couldn't get what you needed because you believed a lie.  And I'm frustrated because after all that has happened, I am afraid you still believe them, and in a worse way. 
The thing is, if you never accept the truth about yourself, and about what has happened--if you never trust again--you'll find the same terrible things happening to you over and over.  "Love" will come fast and hard, and it will die just as fast and just as hard because there was never trust, or integrity, or faithfulness.  Here's the truth: people will let you down.  If you can't accept that, then you can't accept people, and you will push that same standard upon yourself, "If I am not perfect, then people will not love me."  You will not be able to recieve love and the cycle goes around in circles.  The moment you are let down, you shut down.  My question to you is, where did that all start?  Who hurt you?  And what must you lay down in order to accept truth?  Why are you holding on so tight?  You MUST find out for your survival; for your healing.  You know you are not rejected.  You were not faithful because you could not trust.  If you cannot trust, who can trust you?  If you cannot give or recieve love, who can you call friend?
You want to be done with this mess?  Get up out of your misery, take responsibility for your actions, stand up and be the man you were created to be.  Don't take those lies.  Don't take it for one second.  You are loved greatly.
Want truth?  If you cannot trust man, it only means you do not trust God.  I am not saying possibly, or maybe, or this is my opinion.  This is truth.  If you cannot love yourself, you cannot truly love others.  If you cannot trust, you cannot love.
Know this: many agree that you are welcome here, but you must first realize what you have done.  If you never realize it and let your heart be humbled, you will not find rest or peace.  Trouble will follow you until you find true repentance.  Man has his motives for what he does, but God is ultimately in charge.  God sees what is in the hearts of man.  Fear him.
Honestly, I am frustrated because I want you to really get this, but I doubt you will.  Not by my words.  It is not in my hands if you find truth or freedom.  I know the Lord will teach you, and in due time, you will realize the great call on your life.  You'll find your place among His people.