"Judge a person not by what others say of them, but rather by what they say of others."
Author unknown

I don't remember the first time I heard this but I certainly remember how powerfully it has impacted my life.

How is it that we can call people nasty, degrading names and then so easily justify it? If we are really on a path to "enlightenment" and working so hard on our "personal development", why are we still so quick to judge others so harshly? Perhaps the act of name-calling actually provides a measure of how well we're doing.

There are a couple of ways to look at the names that come out of our mouth (or on our computer) that can give us an indication of how well we're doing with all that effort we're putting into being a better person. Ultimately, we'd like to get to a place where name-calling simply doesn't come to our mind anymore, however that's a fairly long distance down that path for most of us.

Consider that if it comes out of our mouth in the heat of the moment, it must exist in our consciousness all the time and until that moment we may not have been aware of it. Even if we are sure we're not like that, that we "didn't really mean it." It came from somewhere and we are the only ones that can claim responsibility for it. It won't do any good to blame the media, the pop stars, the politicians or people we grew up watching. No matter how we look at it, it comes from within. This could be good news or bad news depending on how you choose to use it.

The bad news is that you said it and if you said it somewhere that others could hear it or see it it could come back to bite you. It's likely that you will have to use some of that personal growth training you've done to clean up the mess it most likely has caused.

The good news is that now you know where your personal development is in regards to where you started. For example, if you call someone a jerk today, but know that a year ago you would have called that person a bitch, or a bastard, or worse and you know what I mean, that could indicate that you've grown.

Does the act of calling someone a nasty, degrading name really do any good? Seriously? Does is it make you feel better? Does it inspire the person you are calling that name to want to change whatever behavior is offending you? I think not. I think it is more like adding fuel to the fire. Pretty much ensuring that you will never get the result you were hoping for in that relationship.

The name you're using can indicate the fundamentals of your overall mind set, even provide a measure of maturity. If you use racist terms, even silently, chances are you're a racist. If you use names that are clearly personally denigrating such as whore or ho, fat ass, dumb ass, dick head, faggot, you most likely have issues with the people you perceive to represent these. If you use more generic names such as asshole, bitch, jackass, etc., you most likely are simply pissed off.

None of this is necessarily true, it is simply an observation I've made since the Mel Gibson thing, the guy from Seinfeld and most recently Don Imes. I have been listening a bit more carefully lately and noticing how prevalent the name-calling is, and frankly it hurts my heart. No good comes from it, no one is the better for it and as far as I can tell it isn't of service to anyone.

Now that's not to say that I never call people names, I've been known to lower myself to it, usually in my car and occasionally in the company of others, which always ends up with me having to clean things up and apologize to someone. It hurts me to hurt someone and usually I don't know I've done it until it's too late. So in retrospect, I think I'd rather check myself first and avoid the whole thing.

Ah, the never ending road to being a grown up.