The years role on by with nothing much changing from year to year, but, the time, as a whole, a shit load has happened.

12 years ago I was a whiper-snapper of young man, aged 25, sleeping on the hospital floor scared of what the next morning would bring. You see my dad had been sick, ill, hampered or whatever you call it for the previous 10 years or so. It was a game of chase the tail so to speak, with the doctors reacting to whatsoever problem arose. They did a mighty fine job, as my dad had been close to death on at least 4 occasions before life's woes actually got the better of him.

It would be a lie to say that I think about him everyday now. However, when I have quiet moment to myself and mind happens to wander in that direction I embrace the emotion and let the crazy thoughts of what if and the maybes come to the forefront of my mind.  In all honesty I have no idea of what he would think of my life today, all I can suggest is, via my knowledge of him and his thoughts of what life means and how to get by in it, is that he would not be totally ashamed of my efforts, and that's all I can really ask for.

I have no real regrets; I told the man who was father that I loved and respected him, told him that I was scared of the future without him as a guide. He just laid there and smiled and uttered a few words I couldn't hear, and closed his eyes for a few moments.

So at half past 2 on the 23^rd of May every year I have a little moment to myself, ring the people who were there, share a laugh and tear, smile at myself and get on with my day.

I have no real message other than hold someone you love and tell them of the fact every once in a while.

laters