There are a lot of things to be said about last nights episode. Yes, I am ashamed, mortified...you name it. However, many things happened that were not shown. Evan and Kenny thought it would be hysterical to pour baby powder in my suit case. All over my clothes. Then I discover the plunger in my bed. That is just disgusting. I do not like to be the target of anybody's joke. I think I have made that pretty clear over the years. Regardless, Kenny and Evan do not care. They just want to be amusing, silly and have fun. But, they seem to only want to do it at someone else's expense. Not mine, fuckers.
Yea, first of all I would like to say that I wish someone would remind me I am on a tv show while I am there. Apparently, I forget that with the lack of make up and my amazing clothing options. Polka dot pajama pants and a tank top that barely holds my boobs in? GROSS. So, yes I get it...
As far as the Sarah story line is concerned...she isn't that bad. She did try a little too hard to fit in with the "Champion" team which was bizarre because she should have been trying with her own team. But everyday, morning or night- she never left our room. I was not the only one who thought that was weird. People called her "superfan". Her obvious crushes on Evan and Kenny were more than apparent. And yes, the guys did say bad things about her when she would actually leave the room. She also made several references to me being "crazy". Ok, I am a bit of a nutcase. But for your bitch ass to say it? Um..its not going to make me like you. Especially when she tells other people who then tell me. Tell me. I am pretty direct, I expect the same.
So when the plunger incident happened, I was drunk and pissed. But I am normally level headed when I drink unless you provoke me. Which is pretty obvious they did. I will sit and talk bullshit and laugh for hours, but if your going to fuck with me- I am going to react. DUH. And they know that too, which is why they find it so entertaining. Trust me, I get it. Wish I could explain it to myself as it happens, but I am too angry to rationalize.
So Evan makes a remark about how the "blue team" was just in the room. I immediately associate Sarah as part of that blue team. But then, I see her laughing. And because I am pissed off, I need someone and she became the target sense I already didn't like her. Fair? Absolutely not. Justified? Nope. I am admitting to being a real asshole.
The next day, I felt bad. I knew that my anger was misdirected. I should have flipped out on Kenny and Evan. Funny how neither one of them even remotely defended her as I screamed. They let her take the heat and even laughed about it. They don't care. That is the type of guys they are. They are on the wrong show. They should be on Tool Academy.
Seriously, I have heard the same jokes with Evan for the past 5 years. He used them on Freshmeat. He switches it up a bit to cater to his new audience. I am so completely confused how these 2 assholes have managed to be popular from this show. They were NEVER even on Real World or Road Rules! And because it IS the title of the show, um...I am still confused where they fit in. As far as I am concerned, they guest star on the show.
Unfortunately, that's not how it works. I am also not in the editing room at BMP. Because with all the Wes drama, I don't think Evan needs to constantly be the mouthpiece for the team. Its ALWAYS what Evan says that makes air. Why not show Darrell's, Syrus or Derricks opinion? Must it always be from Evan and Kenny? For fucks sake, I lived the show and get bored watching the same 2 pricks put there fucking opinion in over and over. The house had 28 people! Use Ibis, Kim, Adam...anyone but them over and over and over. I get it, they are witty. But still...
What's confusing to me is that Evan can be really friendly outside of these shows. We got along great on Duel 2. But then again, we were not on the same team. He used to bring me chocolate candy bars on Duel 2 but on The Ruins I get plungers. I am a pretty consistent person for the most part. If I like you, I am nice. If I do not, I ignore you. When you are mean to me, I flip my shit. I don't give 2 fucks if they like me or not. But damnit, be respectful. Call me any name you want..thats fine. I grew up with two brothers so nothing anyone can say can be worse than what I've heard. But when you fuck with my bed...I will fucking snap.
Evan does not care about Tonya. Don't be confused with his pathetic attempt at looking like a nice guy. He tortured that girl the entire show. I mean, fucked with her so bad- most of it didn't even make it on TV. Evan is hyper aware of the camera's. (Clearly) So he saw an opportunity to get his mug on TV a little more by consoling Tonya. That is all it was. I can promise you that. That's why I was so annoyed after he gave Sarah the flowers after I screamed at her. I wish Evan had the fucking balls to admit to peoples faces what he says behind their backs. But that's what he does. He always makes fun of someone to get some laughs. But every moron on the show laughs hysterically thinking how funny he is...until they walk out of the room and they become the joke. Naive idiots, I tell you.
I know they don't like me. Even when Evan pulls me aside to explain he didn't do the plunger and we are "friends". Fuck you. Evan has fucked over many of his "friends" on these shows. Coral? Paula? I mean, do these girls really think he cares??? Come on! This guy will do whatever he can to benefit himself. Always. I am proud to admit I have always maintained loyalty to my real friends on these shows. Derrick, for example. I knew I acted like a lunatic and I told him to not defend me because I didn't want to effect his position on the team. I would never nominate myself into a deliberation without him, because we at least could vote the same way. Susie said it best, I had a feeling the team was after me and told Derrick I would send myself in and not to vote otherwise. Why let those fuckers send me in? I prefer to control my own fate, thanks.
Its not quitting, it was obvious and inevitable. I just spoke up and said my name to avoid the knock down drag out fight about how much I suck. I have never, ever claimed to be a great athlete. But I am smart, I play the game with my brains. Lets face it, you don't last long on these shows if you don't "play" the game. Its not about the Challenges...sorry. Its about who is friends with who, who is fucking who, who knows who.. I will absolutely give credit to Evan for being very smart. Kenny is dumber than a box of fucking rocks, but that's obvious. But Evan is intelligent and can be very charming. I watch him work his little magic, and am surprised at how dumb everyone else is. Evan knows I won't play the game on his terms, we don't get along for that very reason. I would rather be sent into an Inferno/Ruins any day over kissing some ass.
So that being said, I am also letting you all know that I DID apologize to Sarah. They didn't air it. MTV only wants me to look like a mean bitch. They rarely show me laughing or joking with anyone. They just want to show me pissed off. And I do not think Sarah is fat, I only said that because it would piss off any chick. And that was my motive.
I am again, admitting to be a real asshole. I did feel bad the next day and realized I took out my anger on the wrong person. It was super immature, trashy and embarrassing. Sarah and I hugged it out the next day. But, when we were in our Ruins and suspended in the air, she looked at me and said "hope you liked your last cigarette, bitch". Of course! They are never going to air that, because I have to look like the evil bitch and she can look like the victim. I admit to all my faults. Like I said, I was an asshole. But please...show WHY I am an asshole.
I am not a malicious person. However, I am a vengeful person. What you do to me, I will do back to you. I am not phony or fake. I am direct to a fault. There is no in between. You like me or you do not. I am fine either way. I will never smile and then make fun of you after you leave a room. I just won't smile first. haha Kidding. As my friend Blair told me long ago.."Angel to some..Demon to others." Depends on who the fuck you are and how you treat me.
So, that being said... I also really like Wes. We are friends, they don't show that. But we are and I defended him on numerous occasions. No one agreed with me, but I still said what I thought. Johanna and I used to be good friends, but she just isn't very friendly anymore and I do not know why.
Ok, so I have said what I have wanted to say. I recently saw Evan in Vegas and we actually got along quite well...but then I heard from a mutual friend, Murtz, that he insulted the shit out of me. So game on, motherfucker.
Ok, going to make some yummy dinner. Said what I wanted to say, so take from that what you will. It's not as black and white as you think, there are back stories. It is a tv show designed for entertainment, and they edit our lives to make it appealing. I own what they show, you can't edit my shitty choice of clothing or my bad behavior. But sometimes a bit of an explanation is warranted. For example, Adam was still on the show when I acted like a wierdo with Sarah. I heard he was in the background when Evan gave her flowers. So that being said, it just shows how manipulative and distortive the editing can be.
Believe it or not, i like 90% of the people on these shows. I like Johnny, he was never an asshole to me. Its doubtful Sarah and I will ever be friends, but I do not hate her. I can't even really say she is a bitch for laughing. As I watched the show, my friend Ryan was hysterically laughing at the same thing she was. However, I did not flip out or kick him out of my apartment. ;)
Also, I am no longer engaged. My ex fiance is a great guy and we are still very close, but have chosen to end our engagement and have sense broken up. Its been tough, but I will be ok! Break ups always suck. Also, I am finishing my degree and going back to school in January. Can not tell you how excited my Parents are! Ok, I have ranted long enough. Have a great night!