I know, shocking, right?  Yet tonight I'm feeling a little down, and I'm not exactly sure why it is.

See, I had an awesome birthday party, I've lost a ton of weight and look better than I have in years, I've got the most active social life I've had in years, my man Barack Obama made history by becoming the first black man to be elected President of these United States, and (finally!) I have a job interview on Friday for a teaching job.  I should be bouncing off the walls estatic right now.  Yet....

The social life thing is a little weird right now, and it's things I can't explain to people, but when there is someone out there you want but can't have, or want but they can't figure out what they want, it is...difficult.  I know that after all I went through and losing someone that I truly loved that I need to be patient, and I've done my best to exhibit that, more so than I ever have before.  I hit these stages where this need to be with someone kicks in, and I know it's not good for me, that I need some prolonged time as my own man.  I know that because I have ADHD that my focus wanders sometimes in all areas. 

But there's someone out there that I'd love to be with and it's just not happening and I don't know that it will, because it's so back and forth that it's hard to tell just what the hell is going on, not to mention that there are other complications in this busy circle of mine that make it very difficult.  So while I've been looking like a popular guy lately, out with different girls at different times, below that surface is the desire to be with just one girl.  Makes me seem kind of pathetic, doesn't it?

I'm a hopeless romantic, and that's something that no amount of patience or fun times can erase.  I just always end up wanting one special person in my life, and I'm at the age where it'd be nice to keep someone and not have it blow up (granted, I kinda blew the last one myself).  So, in the meantime, I just keep wearing my mask and hiding how I feel....such fun.

If y'all want to smack me for complaining when things are good, go ahead. I probably deserve it.