Hello and welcome to another vigorously under appreciated edition of THE FUCK LIST. I’m Will Slater, and today, as I usually do on THE FUCK LIST, I’ll be taking you through the few specific people places or things that have managed to piss me off over the past weeks, and why it is exactly that they boil my blood with such vengeance.
Of course, I can not go too far in depth into the litany of society’s indiscretions that bother the balls off of me, otherwise I’d be here typing on this piece of shit computer all day every day. However, thanks to all of the “douchebaggery” and unremitting idiocy in the mainstream, there are a few topics that clearly stand out as being especially egregious, and those are the subjects which I will ramble and rant about today. Thank God for spellcheck, because I no longer know how to properly spell…
#1. Fuck Kim Kardashian and Women Who Stereotype Their Own Gender Into Submission....
As I was reading my two month old edition of ESPN the magazine with the ripped off cover yesterday while I was on the shitter, I came across an article where an ESPN journalist interviewed Kim Kardashian. I know what you’re thinking, what the hell does Kim Kardashian have to do with sports, and why would ESPN actually pay one of their employees to speak to that irrelevant sack of uselessness? Well, I agree sir! However, technically Kim Kardashian is in some minute way related to the sports world, because apparently she dates Reggie Bush in-between her fuck sessions with obscure hip hop artists. (see Kim Kardashian’s sex tape with Ray Jay)
Anyway, the contents of the article itself are really meaningless as what caught my
attention was Kim Kardashian’s photo on the page adjacent to said article. It
was a photo of a scantily clad Kardashian wearing nothing but a torn #25 Saints
jersey. Now, obviously the photo served it’s purpose of being an attention
grabber because, well, it grabbed my fuckin’ attention. However, besides
growing a semi boner from the visual of a sultry looking Kim Kardashian with an
enticing look on her face, I began to think about the role of today’s woman in
society. I know, what a pussy I am, right? Well, forgive me for thinking you
pseudo-macho dickheads with latent homosexual tendencies!
I viewed the page long image of Kardashian for a few minutes, and after I masturbated to it, (joke… Although I did consider it…) I wondered why it was necessary at all for America’s favorite ebony cock-slut to be dressed like such a whore. I guess that’s kind of a bad example because Kardashian is quite obviously a tremendous skank with a voracious craving for black dicks, but my musings are not just about her. They are regarding the entirety of the female sex, namely in America.....
Why is it that such a huge percentage of women in this phony-ass, consumer driven, bullshit ridden society feel the need to portray themselves as a complete and utter slut to garner any kind of attention. You don’t see men running around half naked (and in some cases totally nude with a throbbing meat flute in their
ass) just to make a few bucks or get a second in the limelight. And if men are
posing as sex symbols, they are usually asked to model in such a role because
they have done something else in their lives to merit a sense of accomplishment. Sure, there are male models that don’t do anything else with their lives… But seriously, does anybody give two shits about them? Do they emit a prevailing theme amongst the pop culture which states that men are only necessary for their aesthetic appearance? I didn’t think so.
Women have made tremendous steps in the world over the course of the past 100 years to receive much in the way of equality, and a respectable perception in society. And now we have these little over privileged, attention craving, insipid,
soulless fucking worthless whores running around totally tarnishing everything
that women in the civil rights era worked so hard for.
Seriously, if you are reading this and you are a female with any kind of a face in the mainstream (the likelihood of that is so minimal it’s not even funny but I’ll
make my point anyway) then please heed my words and consider what you are doing before you go out in public and make yourself look like a brainless cum
dumpster with no use outside of your breasts and sex holes. You aren’t garnering
respect, fame or glamour for yourself. You are only bringing shame and total embarrassment not only to yourself, but your entire gender.
But hey, you could listen to me or you could keep doing what you’re doing and whoring yourself to an entire population of people for a few bucks and some TV time. You are all a fucking bad joke.
#2 Fuck Laura Engram and Fox News....
If there’s any group of people I hate more than midgets, it’s ultra conservatives. I
really feel like I’m beating a dead horse by even discussing this topic, but
holy mother of God, these people really need to cut the bullshit and just start
calling themselves Jim Crow TV!
I was at a mechanic the other day getting my grandma’s car fixed for her, and guess what the mother fuckers who run the place had playing on the television in the waiting room? No it wasn’t anything cool like hardcore lesbian porno, it was
fucking Fox News in the morning. Guess what the topic of conversation was? If
you guessed Bill O’Reilly you win nothing but you were correct! And guess who
their guest of honor was? The second largest cunt in the universe next to Ann
Coulter, Laura Engram! As you might imagine, I sure was smitten by the
entertainment value of what I was witnessing.
The program began by generic cracker #1 asking the esteemed bitch of the year Laura Engram about why the New York Times was accusing Bill O’Reilly of being a racist. Well, any rational person would react to such a question by saying “What the fuck is the point of even asking me that? Bill O’Reilly hates blacks almost as much as he loves squeezing his female co-workers tits!” (see bill O’Reilly’s sexual harassment case) But of course, we are not dealing with rational people over at Fox News.
What ensued was a five minute diatribe by Engram about how the New York Times’ argument was baseless because they cited online sources like youtube and google, which are websites that are apparently run by extremist liberal children… I guess some of us just aren’t familiar with that danged new fangled internets yet! At any rate, what Senator Shitface Laura Engram failed to realize was that the crux of the Times’ case against O’Reilly was that one does not have to delve into any kind of extensive research to realize how much of an arrogant bigot Billy boy
is. All that one has to do is look up some clips of his show WHICH ARE ARCHIVED IN PUBLIC ONLINE FORUMS SUCH AS GOOGLE OR YOUTUBE.
What followed the aforementioned five minute diatribe was yet another, although
thankfully shorter, rant by Engram about how the Times is guilty of reverse
racism because they fail to report on what she called RAMPANT VIOLENT CRIMES BY ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS AGAINST INNOCENT WHITE PEOPLE. I know, because white people are terrified to go out at night because of the hordes of bloodthirsty Mexicans that roam the streets anxious to rape white women and rob innocent honkie men. What an unbelievable load of shit.
First of all, most illegal immigrants never participate in any kind of behavior that is
remotely crime related, or behavior that is related to anything that isn’t
their shitty job washing your dishes or cleaning your house. They know that if
they ever get busted participating in anything resembling criminal activity,
they’re going straight back to the place that they fought so hard to escape
from to begin with, so I doubt going out and beating up white people is high on
their list of priorities. However sometimes I wish it was with all of the God
awful white people that thrive in this country.
The show that I watched that morning on Fox News while sitting in a pool of my own fuming anger could be summed up in a short sentence. It was an hour long
filming of a session of a white supremacist think tank. The show was nothing
but ignorant and disgustingly narrow minded WASPs chuckling back and forth to
each other about how awesome white America is, and how terrible every
other aspect of the world is. I wanted to vomit all over the fuckin’ place!
What’s really sad is not the fact that these people are on TV or that these people
hold the opinions that they do, because I support freedom of speech and it
takes more than one kind of person to make the world go ‘round and all of that
good stuff. What’s really awfully sad is that there is a considerable contingent of the American population that will sit down and watch this vile filth and accept it all as inexorable truth. That is what hurts me more than anything, the fact that people never question this kind of overbearing nationalism and unjustifiable self indulgence with racist undertones.
While watching, I noticed that Fox News kept referring to itself as “America’s Most Watched News Network”. That was the tagline to their consumers. “America’s Most Watched News Network”. Well of course they’re American’s favorite News channel! Americans are by far the most narrow minded, hypocritical, superficial, and unforgivably self serving society of people that humanity has ever seen! Fox News plays into those sentiments beautifully.
God Bless America!
#3 Fuck Alex Rodriguez and the Disease of Cheating in Sports....
That’s right I said Sports, not just Baseball! The media seems to have ingrained this belief into the American sports fan base that baseball is the only sport with a
serious steroid problem, and to believe that is to be lost in a vortex of
naivety. But without getting into that, let me speak about my personal feelings
about the “A-Roid” scandal.
For me, the nostalgia and mystique that once surrounded the sport of baseball is now gone for good. I don’t know if I can ever replace this deep seated cynicism that I now hold for baseball with the youthful love for the game which once caused me to hold baseball in such a high regard.
A-Rod was supposed to be our white knight, especially for us Yankee fans. He was supposed to be the guy that came along and broke the home run record the right way, the clean way. A-Rod was supposed to be the Yankee that tore down the false façade of the steroid era, and brought along a reclamation period for baseball and Yankee fans alike where we could all be happy that we had a true, undisputed champion who held the title of baseball’s greatest player. Well, so much for that.
The story is sad and troubling but it’s not necessarily shocking, and it has multiple
facets to it. Not only that, but the story has many questions attached to it.
For example, how did A-Rod’s name get leaked from a list of steroid users that
was supposed to be kept under serious lock and key? Why does A-Rod have to bear the brunt of a media backlash for 100+ baseball players that all tested
positive for roids in 2003? Is it fair that those equally guilty ball players
get to remain in anonymity while A-Rod is publicly proverbially stoned to
death? How long was A-Rod using for? Why is Michael Kay’s face so huge?
Regardless of any of those queries, the fact remains that baseball’s current greatest player was, and possibly remains to be a cheater. With how far ahead of the game the drug dealers are than the drug testers in terms of masking agents,
there really is no way of ever knowing for sure if A-Rod, or any player for
that matter is using.
As a Yankee fan, I suppose all that I can do is hope that there is truth in A-Rod’s
statement that he has been clean since 2003, and hope for the team to get past
the distraction that A-Rod has once again caused. However as a baseball fan, I
feel like this situation has really demoralized me to the point where I can no
longer have a true appreciation for the accomplishments that these athletes
achieve on the field. I’ll never know who did it without cheating.
Above all, what really makes me sick is hearing people talk about how they “feel bad” for A-Rod. Oh yeah, I feel so much sympathy for a banal, cheating fuck who flies in a private jet, has sex with muscular strippers, and makes 27 million dollars a year. What a terrible life that guy has. It’s a joke.
The negative press that A-Rod is now receiving has been brought on by his own
mistakes. A-Rod is now reaping what he has sown, and although it is not fair
that he has to catch so much flack while so many others who are guilty go
blameless, I can’t feel bad for a cheater. He did this to himself.
I mean seriously, I feel bad for aborted babies, or cancer patients, or kids in Darfur..… Or Gerard. Sympathy for A-Rod? C’mon now.
I don’t feel like writing a proper conclusion. That’s enough
for THE FUCK LIST already.
Fuck.