you wonder how much small details can change things. all these tiny decisions, most of the time you don't even know they're happening. then something slips by and later you think, what if... huh. weird. i don't regret anything that i've done, i just get curious curious curious. winter makes me maybe a little nostalgic sometimes i guess and i start thinking about all these small things that happened in the past, nothing in particular, and it's funny when things you never even thought about suddenly surface and become relevant. maybe it's just me. life can throw some surprising shit in your face sometimes, and what they say about hindsight, it's funny. not funny ha ha, funny like being punched in the gut by a surprisingly strong senior citizen or having your foot run over by a horse drawn carriage. what if i had done this one thing. would it count the way i want now back then? probably not, right, just not how it works. i guess you've just got to try to go through the day with your eyes all the way open, make it what you want in the now.. this is all pretty cryptic, but i'm not going to tell you what i'm talking about. this has no conclusion.