i want to write about how much my soul hurts and how i don't know why. and about how today i saw stars and nearly passed out while experiencing a minor stressful situation and how frightening it was. and how i love this town but after a while the smallness of it makes me sad and alone feeling no matter how many people i know i run into while biking across town. how i think about if you could see, like actually physically see like thread or string how connected we all are to each other here and just how small the degrees of separation are it would creep other people out as much as it does me. or maybe if you're from here you're just used to it. it makes me want to leave. it makes me want to go someplace where i can meet people that i think i don't know and find that they don't actually have an unpleasant story to tell about somebody i do know. i think i'm a pessimist, or i am today.
i want to write about these things to get them out, but i'm also conflicted about putting them out here in public, why is blogging so acceptable? if i had this pinned to my shirt it would be a whole different story.