Calvinism                                  Shit happens because you don't work hard enough.
Buddhism                                  If shit happens, it really isn't shit.
Seventh Day Adventists              No shit on Saturdays.
Zen                                           What is the sound of shit happening?
Hedonism                                  There's nothing like a good shit happening.
Hinduism                                   This shit happened before.
Mormon                                     This shit is going to happen again.
Islam                                         If shit happens, it is the will of Allah.
Moonies                                     Only happy shit really happens.
Stoicism                                    This shit is good for me.
Protestantism                             Let the shit happen to someone else.
Catholicism                                Shit happens because you are BAD.
Hare Krishna                              Shit happens rama rama.
Judaism                                     Why does this shit always happen to us.
Zorastrianism                             Shit happens half the time.
Christian Science                        Shit is in your mind.
Atheism                                     Sheeeit.
Existentialism                             What is shit anyway?
Rastafarianism                            Let's smoke this shit!