Hello Everyone!

Well, after a week off last week, let's see what the coming week may have in store for you!
All Sharmanscopes were featured on today's Mike Sharman Show on Phonenix 96.7FM.

LEO

Your week may well end on a low as you fall down an open hole in the road.
Before this, lady luck appears to be on your side next week especially when involving tombola tickets, free gift giveaways and faulty cash machines.
Lucky Toilet Paper Colour: Peach
Lucky Cup A Soup Flavour: Wild Boar & Horseradish

VIRGO

A momentary lapse in concentration next week sees you accidentally switching your mobile telephone's language from English to Urdu, much to the amusement of your friends.
Be wary of spiders next week, especially when playing snooker.
Lucky Bingo Call: Legs Eleven
Lucky Battery Size: AA

SAGITTARIUS

Your belief in the phrase "an Englishman's home is his castle" is tested next week when you return home to find that your neighbours have built a moat and watchtower outside your house.
Take care when using a vacuum cleaner near to a wig next weekend to avoid a hair-raising experience.
Lucky Lager: Fosters
Lucky Season: Winter

CANCER

A week of humourus events and bizaare occurences is predicted next week which may involve a massage parlour, musical instruments, webcams and asparagus.
Extra care should be taken next week when eating cheese, washing your hair and opening wine bottles.
Lucky Card Game: Snap
Lucky Breakfast Cereal: Rice Crispies

LIBRA

You find yourself temporarily accused of a theft from the Strongbow factory next week but Police quickly establish it was an in-cider job.
Tennis players and part-time cleaners should be treated with caution next weekend.
Lucky County: Warwickshire
Lucky Cake: Wedding Cake

ARIES

Your long-running ability to fall out with farmers is revisited next week when you ask a farmer if he takes his ill pigs to hospital in a hambulance.
The recent economic crisis catches up with a blind circumcisionist friend of yours next week as he finally gets the sack.
Lucky Car: Ford Mondeo
Lucky Vegetable: Leek

AQUARIUS

The decision to help your child with their homework leaves you both answering some awkward questions when you answer the question "Why does a squirrel swim on its back?" with the repy "To keep its nuts dry".
Your embarassment at visiting the doctors having sat on a large number of strawberries and got some stuck is relieved next week when your doctor tells you that he has some cream for that.
Lucky Boxing Round: 3
Lucky TV Programme: The Sky At Night

PISCES

You find yourself barred from a restaurant next week when you ask the Manager "What's the difference between chopped beef and pea soup?" and then answer "everyone can chop beef but not everyone can pea soup".
Things get no better when you go into a pub with two peanuts and one is a-salted.
Lucky Sandwich: Egg & Cress
Lucky Playing Card: Six of Hearts

GEMINI

An optimistic start to the week is stopped in its tracks thanks to an unexpected letter which leaves you annoyed, frustrated and vowing never to drink alcohol again.
An argument with your Bank Manager sees you ending the week without much interest and spending a night in all a-loan.
Lucky Boat: Narrowboat
Lucky Sausage: Salami

SCORPIO

A week of poor relationships with your wife or girlfriend is predicted next week after she asks you "what is on the television?" and you answer "dust".
Things show little sign of improvement when she asks you "why is our language called the Mother Tongue?" and you answer "because the Father never gets to speak".
Lucky Ice Cream Flavour: Raspberry Ripple
Lucky Day: Wednesday

TAURUS

Unexpected events are predicted next week when an attractive female friend asks if she can use your Grand Piano and you suggest instead that she uses your Upright Organ.
A visit from an undertaker leaves you with a cold next weekend as you seem unable to move your coffin.
Lucky Cheese: Camembert
Lucky Bus Stand: O

CAPRICORN

You grow concerned that your best friend, who is studying to become a lawyer, might be suffering from dyslexia next week when he tells you he is about to take his bra exam.
A visit to an aquarium provides a moment of humour next week when you ask a member of staff "how do they weigh whales?" and she answers "in a whale weigh station".
Lucky Ink Colour: Blue
Lucky Nationality: French