The days turn into each other in new lights and greys, each one different in so many ways. I find new people to fall in love with because of the complexity and beauty that is in them. I find new music to fall in love with, though that is like finding the missing thread, it is so very rare and defining when you find it. I hope, soon, that we will create the music I would have fallen in love with. That it is no longer remnants of other peoples legacies, and that it is drawn from our core flowing out into worship. I hope... I fight fears. Fears of bird Flu reaching my loved ones so far away. Fears of failure, of remaining ineffective. Fears of not reaching what we dream and chatter into being so excitedly with fingers and eyes. Fears of getting fat and old. Fears of not being a good mother, friend, wife.. We can convince ourselves we do not fear, that it is impossible when we have faced the most terrible thing, Our Maker, and discovered He is on our side. But that would not be true, to deny that our humanity sometimes gets the best of us, and we give in to fear. It can be a pitiful exchange, when peace is on offer. I'd love to see if there is a tap somewhere that switches our mind onto spiritual vision and helps us get persepctive. Perhaps that is simply prayer. Prayer to the terrible, awesome, whole God. The beautiful, gentle, compassionate God. The lion, the lamb, that waits patiently in the corner of my room as I fight my complacency and argue with myself as to wether I have enough time to bend the knee.... Perhaps I need to simply kneel, and pray. Of course, it may just be that simple.....quiet....pray....listen.....sing.....pray......listen....write....paint.....sing....