This is an article that PinkRaygun.com published for me!!! YAY!

Lawful Half-Elf Seeks Chaotic Barbarian for Long Walks and Cuddling

By Joyce Dales

Being a geek girl in the 80's was not such an easy thing. Nerd Persecution was pretty rampant and geekdom was a bit of a boy's club. I desperately wanted to play D&D and have my own velvet pouch of dice but it was not to be. Despite my attempts at conformity my notebooks were still filled with doodles of intergalactic war and magical creatures. Eventually I found acceptance amongst the theater/band geeks. I embraced my nerdiness with pride and even ran for student council. I hung banners throughout the school that said, "Spock Endorses Crosby for VP!" Yeah, I didn't win but I really owned who I was. I dated a few preppy boys but they always broke up with me because I simply wasn't cool enough. So I smartened up and focused my attention on the geek boys. With them I felt understood, appreciated and confident. This is a lesson I forgot in adulthood.

I spent most of my 20's trying to recapture the sense of self acceptance and confidence I had as a kid. No longer did I have the built in social network of the high school band room or theater club. College was a fraternity/sorority nightmare and the workforce was anything but accepting of individualism. It was a cold lonely world for a geek girl. Who would reenact Monty Python's "Cheese Shop" with me? So I again attempted conformity and this resulted in my romantic life being peppered with cavemen and rednecks. One knuckle dragger actually kept a dictionary handy for our frequent disagreements because he was so sure I was inventing words. Like "empathy" and "Cro-Magnon". Sigh.

When I turned 27 I decided enough was enough. I had begun teaching a High School Alternative Program and was surrounded by the weirdo kids that were reminiscent of my friends in high school. Working with these "sweathogs" helped me feel like myself again. Queen of the misfits. I finally decided that being alone was preferable to repeatedly compromising my true self in a lame attempt to find love. That path did not honor who I was and my spirit felt squashed. It simply wasn't smart.

So I turned to the internet. This urge is, I think, a natural inclination for a geek because it was originally our territory, right? From 1999 to 2002 I joined Match.com several times. At first I, again, made the mistake of attempting to conform. My profile was meticulously designed to be appealing and to attract. It was total fiction. I tried to be witty but not too smart. My photo was the thinnest and youngest one I could realistically pass off as my current self. I, like many other women, was attempting to market myself in the most appealing light. There is nothing technically wrong with that but it certainly isn't genuine and often backfires. Predatory sleazeballs sniffed me out in a heartbeat. Or I got emails from guys who were duped by the façade I had created and I was too chicken to even meet them lest they learn the truth! I was hopeless.

Finally, I decided to use my brain. I decided to be honest. Applying "Spock-Like" logic to the process I redesigned my profile to be the most brutally honest representation of myself I could muster. I even included a (gasp) recent photo! It wasn't easy. I felt laid bare and waited for the nerd persecution to begin. I got nothing. Not a peep. At this point I wasn't even attracting the sleazeballs. So rather than creep off to my hobbit hole in despair and humiliation I decided to once again put on my spock ears and work it out. Now, despite my geek girl status, I am also a girly girl. I LOVE to shop. So I began to make lists of the qualities I wanted in a mate. Screw what they want…..what do I want?

1) Someone who gets and appreciates me.

2) Someone who is smarter than me…for a change.

My list was long and thorough. I left nothing out….right down to someone who will rub my tummy when I am sick. I began to shop for this person. The way I evaluated profiles was extremely focused and straight forward. Then (and this is the key) I made the first contact! Turns out….the type of guy I was seeking needed ME to make the first move. This is when I finally stumbled upon my geek in shining armor. This was my first email:

I think you sound interesting and intelligent. There is a glint of humor in your profile that is very appealing. My name is Joyce and if, upon reading my profile, you are interested drop me a line. Otherwise, good luck in this strange world of cyber dating.

It was to the point, flattering and applied no pressure. He wrote back.

In my next email I made reference to my high midi-chlorian count and Jedi Knight status. He claimed his was higher. Geek love was blossoming. Within a week we made plans to meet at Barnes and Noble. I suggested we meet in the children's section near the book Everybody Poops. Thank god he thought that was funny. At this point I was really letting the strangeness that is me all hang out. We met, had dinner and went to see Spiderman. By the middle of the movie we were sucking the lips off each other's faces while horrified teenagers sat nearby. We were oblivious.

Nine months later on Valentine's Day he got down on one knee and gave me a humongous emerald cut diamond ring and the most beautiful well thought out proposal ever uttered. So I married the finest, most brilliant person I had ever met. And oddly enough…he felt the same way about me.

It's not easy being a chick in the land of geek. Geek boys act as though true geek girls are some rare, mythical, impossible to find creature. We do exist. We just aren't some huge breasted pixie anime wench. No, we are just average girls who happen to love then same things you do. We are in the next cubicle. Or sitting in a café with our faces buried in our laptops…..just like you.

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Joyce K.C. Dales is a former high school teacher turned full time geek. She is the president of Sweet on Geeks, the online dating space where gray matters.