I'm a natural observer...have been for as long as I can remember.  I will always sit back and take in my surroundings no matter what setting I find myself in.  Today I attended a wake for my uncle.  A funeral home is a place that creates lots of moments...moments to remember.  Heres what I observed.

First, there are levels assigned to the people in attendance. The levels are as follows: Grief stricken family members--- Relatives of the grief stricken who grieve for the family--- Friends and people who knew the decedant--- Employees of the funeral home.

As it plays out the family views the body first...to get the BIGGIES outta the way...the thinking is that momma may collapse when she sees daddy in a casket.   So that moment is reserved for a private family time.  The relatives of the grief stricken hang back and wait for their turn to view the body.   This usually occurs after the grief stricken have calmed down.  As the public is allowed in, it appears that the family has calmed to a reminiscent tone.  You know that tone...that eerie level of conversation that you ONLY hear in a funeral home!

One of the things I observed was that people grieve in different ways. Some fight it...unwilling to give in and show how they feel.  Others cannot hide it for anything...wailing uncontrollably and needing the warm touch or embrace of anyone, everyone.  Yet, some are visibly upset and just need an occassional hug. And then there are those that grieve by helping the family.  These are interesting to me...and I think I may fall into this category.  We like to make sure things are done or handled.  We like to make things comfortable for the grieving.  It seems like the only thing we can do to help.  Its out of helplessness that we do this I think.  And its becasue Im in the level of grieving for the grievers.  Its hard to see so many people hurting to this degree...and its even harder to see people that I always looked up to... seem so vulnerable.

Heres the BIG thing I observed...Everytime someone new comes down the aisle to view the body...everyone gets quiet to watch their reaction to the body.  I find this very interesting and unnerving at the same time.  I find it interesting because my first thought is "how do you want them to react?" I find it unnerving because I think its a private moment for each person and I hate to think that I am watching it play out.  AND I dont want people staring at me when I view someone for the last time!

Human grief seems so animalistic...but in fact it is just that...a human quality...its actually one of the things that MAKES us human.  The ability to emote or express feelings is a part of humanity that is a blessing and a curse at the same time.  We can be UP. We can be DOWN.  Grief is part of the pendulum that we all swing upon.  And at some point we will all experience each level of participation in a funeral...except of course employee. So, with that said, allow people to grieve in the way that best suites them...including yourslef.

<3