This will be updated whenever something relatively funny is said.
Rich (halfway down the road after Kyle gets bollocked for fucking about on a forklift); *jingles key* Whos got the last laugh now, eh?
Kyle (after seeing Tom’s guitar); What the fucks that, the batmobile?!
Rich; Next time you’re a ninja... fuck off!
Me; Megadeth? Isn’t that a variety of condom?
Jd (whilst playing Puzzle Fighter at mine); You need brain cells, skill, determination and mastery before you can win at this, so you’re totally screwed.
Nicey; You spit goblin venom in my face eh!!!?!
Me and Randy Blythe (in Glasgow); ’Yo Randy, you want a ciggy?’ ’FUCKIN’ A!!!!’
Wardy (imitating park announcer in Ponty Park); Ladies and gents, we are now letting leopards into the park - they have not been fed in three days. They are very hungry. Do not try to climb a tree, because they can do that as well. Your only option is to leave the park. Should you get locked in, all you may do s bury your head in the ground and hope that you get away with nothing more than a severe arse raping.
Kyle (after roddin’ some people out of a car window); LOOK AT ME WEN I’M RODDIN’ YOU!!
Me and Rich; ’I wish you had cancer!!’ ’Cancer?!’ ’Yes, in the head!’ ’.....Head cancer?!?’
Randy Blythe (after listening to my instrumentals on my mp3); Not bad. Its not exactly jagermeister though is it?
Nicey (at the cinema during the intermission); ... I think I just might have a wank now.
Rich (in town); I LOVE SEX WITH KIDDIES!!
Kyle (Imitating Mr Garrison from South Park); MR TWIG, NOOOO!!
Me (talking to Rich after a stressful day at the recording studio); ... I want pussy. Why, oh God why does it have to be so expensive?!
Rich (commenting a picture of Dimebag and Zakk Wylde); Thats just too much legend for one place!!
Abbi; Everyone think I’ve turned fit!!
Rich (in Corp); Oh my God - some dudes getting br00tal to Pendulum!!
Me (to Tom after reading a comment Rich left him on MySpace); Rich says you like end....?! I like end too! The end of something is always the best bit! Especially the life of an emo!!
Chaz (talking about my septum piercing); You’ll look like a bull, but human
Nicey (talking about my septum piercing); You’d look like a little tuskan raider, RAAARRRRGHHHHHH!!
Nem and myself; ’I think I look pretty good’
’No Nem, you look like shit’
Jd; I like metal cocks with Jezz tattooed on them...
Jd (taking the piss out of Wheatus’ Teenage Dirtbag); I’M JUST A TEENAGE NIGGER WITH AIDS AND PROBABLY EVERY OTHER DISEASE YOU CAN THINK OF AND MAYBE MORE THAN HAVEN’T BEEN DISCOVERED YET, AND PROBABLY WONT FOR MANY YEARS TO COME, BABY
Ryan (talking about my new guitar); Shredding on an expensive Shiny Guitar is like nailing a super model - you’d never thought you’d get, you don’t know how to work it any better than a normal one, but you can’t complain because all you’ve been doing for the past four months is jerking off into a sock/playing a shitty $75 guitar you bought off of Amazon.com...Yup, pretty much the same thing
Jd (messaging Inflikted about our upcoming ’big announcement); Big announcement? PHIL COLLINS IS JOINING ISNT HE?!?!?!?!
Philcore (giving his advice on life); Drink lot’s of alcohol. Pick bar fights. Do drugs. Listen to evil-ass music. Stay up late. Less reading more moshing. Skip school. Have lots of dirty, dirty sex. Don’t eat your vegetables.
Me and my Dad (discussing blues guitarists); ’They all look the same to me’ ’What, dead?’
Jd (answering a quiz question); Q. What do you want to be when you grow up? A. I WANT TO BECOME THE RIDDLER AND FIGHT CLAYFACE!!
Ryan (talking about AIDS); BitCh35, STD’s ph33r m3 t0 t3h m4xxx0rz
Me (half asleep to TeeJay); I might lift up my leg and scratch it as well...
Ryan (after I’d recited the lyrics to ’Bay of Pigs’ to him); z0mfg you know just the right things to say to get into my heart <3
Deanikins (after telling him I was afraid to have a shit after the vindaloo I’d had the night before); Your bumhole will look like a japanese flag!
Ryan; Danicas your princess?! I thought I was the only one you called princess :’(
Tess (to Danica); Whens you coming to Sheffield, the land where fun and old people go to die?
Me (to Danica, going on about getting an iguana); I’ve been one-upped by some poxy lizard!
Lawd Chris; I like to punch women in the throat and watch them gasp for air.......it’s hot
Me, Rich, Greg, Ken, Cal, Lauren (waiting in the queue for Megadeth); ’Wheres Dave? ’DAVE’S NOT HERE MAN!!’
Jeff and Jeremy; "so yeah i just finished impaling a mountain lion with an American Flagpole while fighting 2 ninjas and now im smacking my girlfriend around so she can make me a sammich" "Gay - real men punch"
My dad (whilst trying to open a tinned pie with a busted hand); A man who cannot open his tinned pie is not a man, he is fucked.