[Dark]

So...my 2 days off are over, and...well...

I'll start off by saying I didn't accomplish as much as I'd of liked to.  The main reason I said to myself that I would take 2 days off work was so that I would be able to do some job searching during the day, and also go to the doctors for just a general check up and to maybe get a mole or 2 removed cause I get super suspicious about moles since I once came across a skin cancer / mole article on the internet.

Well…I DID do some job searching, my CV is floating around out there, I've directly applied to maybe 4 jobs (at current), and I'm not sure how many agencies are working with me, but I've been in contact with a couple that have said they'll keep me in mind for stuff that comes up (whether they will or not I don't know), but I hope so.  I have (after today) 12 working days of employment left with this job…then it's onto the next chapter of work.  Seeing as I haven't been super organised about this (I should've been looking for work about a month ago really…not leaving it so 'last minute') I currently have no idea what I'm going to do next.  I'm hoping for some regular admin-esque type job for now.  My intentions are to start uni after next summer, but in the meantime with moving out this year…it's just been about bringing money in really.  My gf works, and she's at uni…but normally when she worked part time and was at uni (before summer break came and she started to work full time) she doesn't end up with that much cash to last her the month (which is what being a student is like), but because I have more bills to tend to than my gf (car insurance, patrolling my car, and other petty things), I think I'd be scraping by even worse than she is.  So I'd need to save up before I made the switch from full time work, to juggling part time work and Uni.

  Right now though, I'm worried…and I don't like it.  I feel under pressure, I feel nervous, I feel like I'm in some room surrounded by doors…but none of them are open, and unless I get out of this metaphorical room I'm in then some bad things will happen.  As in…If I don't get a job soon, and I have a period of unemployment…then all these bills I have to pay (rent most importantly), then wtf do I do?  *takes deep breathe*.  My girlfriend has kinda been nagging and having her say about what I need to be doing and stuff, kinda pisses me off a tad that she's been undermining me and not having faith in what I've actually done, but I know she means it for the best and just wants us not to have any sort of financial problems.  I try and act like it's all good and it'll figure out…but I don't know that, I just don't want her to be worrying like I am.

  I need to get onto more agencies to try and get them to help me, as much as it's kinda lame to be a temp, and that the pay and perks aren't as good as the full time folk get at the places I end up working, they do pay alright, they pay weekly so you have money in your pocket…and they are quicker at getting you into a job than the usual application processes can be.

  I don't suppose any of my local folk who have a peep at this blog know of any alright office vacancies going at the moment do you?

  I'll have to put in another 20mins at least as well as applying to at least 1 job, or get onto at least 1 agency today.  2 weeks is plenty of time to get me a new job secured…it's just the taking time off to do interviews and stuff which will be a little bit harder to do as it might not always be possible, and without interviews I won't be getting another job.

  For the first time in a while last night I laid awake in bed with trouble sleeping.  Just laying there not being able to switch off cause my mind was actively processing thoughts, mostly worry about the future, with doubts about my self worth, shit like that…really REALLY bums me out.  If that carries up I'll head towards depression and I much much prefer to be joyful and happy in life.   I need a hug, I need to know it'll be ok...

Anyway…enough crybabying.  I'm gonna use the rest of my lunch break to e-mail my current agency and get them back into helping me out.

  If you read this, thanks…it does actually irritate me sometimes to put out such whiny crap in a blog…but that's life ya know.  Sometimes I go back and read my blogs and it's good to see problems I've overcome and laugh at things that turned out to be not worth worrying about.  So it's just good to get stuff out into the open sometimes.

  I'll have some more videos up and some pics soon, expect them in my next blog maybe, and if you've not read my other blog I put out today, then why?!  I deem that to be much more fun to read.  It even has a video…a stupid video, but a video non-the-less.

Laterz peeps

Kermit