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lauren mccuistion



Last Updated: 7/15/2009

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Status: Single
City: memphis
Saturday, June 13, 2009 
Last night, the suburbs around Memphis were pummelled by a tornado. Trees are down all over the city and in my own front yard. Power is out, so the stores, restaurants and Starbucks are packed with people and growing empty of food. A rush of humanity has followed the rush of nature - both rushes proof of a power bigger than them. I don't know which has impressed me more - the power of God evidenced in the storm last night, or the power of God being outsourced to us in its aftermath. They both lead to the source... they both are changing things.

Sitting here in Starbucks (always), I'm mulling over these things and all the questions they lead to. There is a song on the radio here, and although I do not know who sings it, the music moves me. It assures me that this peace I feel, although temporal, is very real. So - I am grateful, even though I do not know what the song moves me toward. Although I cannot define the direction, there is no doubt in me that I feel the pull and it is good... because it reminds me how to dream. It reminds me that this is all much more than me, bigger than my life and the questions I have regarding it. Only You could use a song to both show us something larger than ourselves, while also making that something small enough to embrace.

I have wondered often in the past several months, what I have to show for being 24 years old. I am unmarried, unsettled, still wondering around in so many ways... I have no leads regarding a full-time vocation I feel suited for, and although I have a degree (and am trying for a Masters), I work currently at two part-time jobs in order to merely stay busy. I have a '96 Camry with close to 200,000 miles on it, and each month it seems like I grow closer and closer to having nowhere else to go.

But last night, I was with a friend at work, hugging the sink pipe in an industrial bathroom, praying to God that He might not forget us down here.

Talk about a paradign shift.

There have been so many things throughout my life that I have clung to for security. Whether it was a friend, a job, a boyfriend, a routine, or a sink pipe... you'd think I would know by now, that security does not come from these things. For months at a time, I fail to understand this - but then there is the rare morning, when I wake up with peace. In this moment with my caramel macchiato, I rest assured that there is more to my life than ever knowing the answer to all these wonderings. It doesn't make me feel invincible - but it does affirm my reasons for even trying to stand up and fight for all I know to be real... for all the work the Lord has done in my heart.

There is no sign in the sky of the damage the storm did. The sun is out, shining down on all that happened, and changing my perspective on what our real needs are.

Changing our lives, down to the roots, by way of our surfaces.

Only You could reach us here.
Currently listening:
Far
By Regina Spektor
Release date: 2009-06-23
8:14 PM
 
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