I didn't believe this when I heard it, but from what I can piece together it's totally true. Wow.



You're looking at Lancelot - billed by the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus as The Living Unicorn.

The two people responsible for creating this monstrosity are Oberon Zell-Ravenheart and his wife, Morning Glory. Go figure. Lancelot is apparently, in addition to being a GOAT, a very accurate representation of medieval unicorns. Forget what you THINK you know about unicorns. Yeah, I thought they were more like horses too. We were both wrong. Trust me. No, wait. What do I know? Don't trust me - trust Oberon Zell-Ravenheart.



That's right. The motherfucker is an actual wizard. Here's another one just os you know that one wasn't a screenshot from Final Fucking Fantasy.



Anyway, more accurately, the motherfucker is the founder of the Church of All Worlds, one of the "oldest incorporated Neo-Pagan churches in the United States." According to their website, The Church of All Worlds is dedicated to "lifestyles that support personal freedom and responsibility, environmental stewardship, progressive and cooperative social order and pluralistic democracy."

Speaking of personal responsibility and environmental stewardship, here's a picture of Oberon (a self-described "naturalist") with his freakish, man-made Goaticorn.



Some dream big. For Oberon, it wasn't enough to incorporate a church inspired by a science fiction novel. Nor was it enough to found a 5,600 acre "Pagan Retreat Center," or to get involved in countless Pagan initiatives (including, according to his website, "The Council of Themis, the Council of Earth Religions, the Covenant of the Goddess, the Universal Federation of Pagans, and the Papal Apology Project.") That would've been enough for most people, but not Oberon. So in 1977 Oberon and his wife Morning Glory co-founded the Ecosophical Research Association and got to work.

The Living Unicorn Project was born.

So Oberon made a Goaticorn. Several Goaticorns, actually. But a horn does not a Goaticorn make. In addition to totally fucking up the goats' domes, he also "conducted appropriate magical rites, invoking the spirits of Nature and the Horned God, and focusing the light of the waxing Moon onto their [the unicorns'] foreheads through a quartz crystal."

Then he sold one to the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus in 1980.

Then the ASPCA got really pissed.

They examined Lancelot: The Living Unicorn and determined that - get this - it was a GOAT. Good work, guys.

They also decided that the goat was pretty well taken care of, so they moved on and got pissed off about some other crap.

I'm not sure what happened to Lancelot or any of his Goaticorn kin, but if you're out there, guys, this blog's for you. May you carry on as freakishly as the pagan wizard from whence ye came.