Yet again my life seems to be scheming against my enjoyment of this year's Apprentice - with loads of other important bill paying things to do last week and a bloody great thunderstorm killing my telly and wifi for most of last night!

Last week the teams had to design portable exercise equipment - Phillip (who I seem to half fancy in a whiny Paddy Considine sort of way even though he reminds me a bit of an ex) wants to create a square ball, but oddly everyone ignores him. Ben rather incongruously drags James's Empire down the "sex sells" route (sex doesn't sell in my book when it's being sold by a man who resembles a weasel on steroids channelling a Rainman version of evil David Platt from Coronation Street. Have I mentioned I think he's a dick?) by designing, um a wooden commode or something. Debra's "Ignite" come up with the body rocker and just about survive despite Debra and Yasmin having a major beeyatch fight. So James, Maj and Ben end up in the boardroom and James nearly blubs before everyone shits all over Maj and James returns home triumphantly, just as everyone's been slagging him off and calling him a loosah (again) so it's chins on floor time.

Last night's episodes saw the teams battle to design natural cosmetics. Science teacher and scary alien freak Nooral ineffectually led Ignite to create some tacky honey and seaweed products which he paraded round Bond Street tube (FFS what a sales patch) whilst dressed as a beekeeper (or a biohazard worker) presumably to make him less frightening to the female shoppers he approached with all the panache of a computer programmer fashioned from aluminium. Paula meanwhile was disarmingly mad and brummy but actually managed to make some nice smellies that I would actually buy - not least because she and Yasmina managed to confuse the lush and mahoosively expensive sandalwood oil for merely pleasant and cheapo cedarwood - resulting in an overspend of about oh a grand, not that Ben or Yasmina (apparently in charge of "costings" seemed to care - with the products still priced under a fiver - bargain!). Ben manages to confuse shoppers by apparently trying to sell them bars of "fresh soup". Hmmm. A slightly smug Nick peered over the top of his clipboard of doom to break the news of the sandalwood shitstorm and Kate made a face like a confused sex doll as Nick quipped "Anyhow I'll leave it with you" and magically disappeared again. Somehow Ben managed to survive the boardroom showdown when Empire duly lost (for losing 68p) despite again showing his arsehat credentials by boasting about his "scholarship to Sandhurst" as though eagerly anticipated being beasted behind a shooting range is something to be proud of. Sadly SirAlan gruffly wrongfooted us all by firing Paula for actually creating something decent but being team leader to a bunch of equally cost-clueless cuntmonkeys.

Liking: Whiny Phillip (who can blame him!), the rather vapid American woman
Unsure about: Heather Mills style sexbot Kate, Mona, Yasmina - looking like a lesbian bully out of a hollywood mental hospital
Fearing: Nooral, shouty Lorraine - like a female Napolean Dynamite on coke
Disliking: Sour-faced Debra - a woman who permanently has the expression of someone who's spotted a tramp having a poo in the street, snooty gollum Howard, James
Despising: Ben