Well I was told by my boyfriend that there was no point in me blogging the show when it's already been going two weeks - but heck I just can't help myself.

It's Day 13 and the housemates are nominating.

Angel - chooses Cairon - as he sleeps a lot and is a "weak opponent" for a noble warrior such as our loopy lesbot. She also picks Siavash despite thinking "he's very nice" - as he should be more entertaining as a "party agoniser" (I think she means "organiser" but she was right first time). I rather like Angel's tactics of getting rid of the nicer or duller housemates leaving her in an all out war against the uber twats.

Cairon nominates in gangsta crap - but I can just about make out that he picks Angel for eating raw things with her hands ("I cant be havin that dirty ass hygenic shit around the house") and Sree for "disrespec" and "talkin down on me" ("get the fuck out my face with that, man!").

Charlie does his retarded nice guy act ("Ah dunno um it's hard I havnet ad time to think " until a seriously pissed off sounding Big Brother gets him to stop faffing by threatening him with facing eviction, which gets him nomming suspiciously quickly. Surprise surprise one pick is Freddie for being "different" ("Ah keep meaning to say fuckwit" bleats Charlie charmingly - cos he's daft he is and not some sort of calculating wanktard.). Secondly he noms Marcus ("Cos I like him as well" - eh?) for arguing with Lisa.

Dogface plumps for Freddie despite (or because of) his creepy lovelorn stroking of her neck earlier in the week - because he wants to be an MP and she doesn't understand. Given recent events (and the fact Freddie is (spit) a tory) she may have a point although she manages to make the whole idea of wanting to take an interest in a world outside of fashion and beauty sound distasteful and wrong. She also picks Marcus for being tit mad (poor Marcus - it's like a porno Ancient Mariner "tits tits everywhere yet not a tit to grope").

Freddie picks Sree for being bossy and irritating and Lisa for "belittling" him in front of Charlie and Kris.

Karly fairly noms Freddie for having "orgasms" whilst eating his food ("Just shut up and eat your food"), and Angel for being a nutter. Again Karly shows some reason though as she rather sensibly disses Angel for her telling Noireen that she was "weak" for giving up on the hunger strike (over being forced to draw specs on her face by BB). Karly has a good point - associating eating normally with "weakness" isn't the healthiest of positions (mind you I like Angel and not for her healthiness).
nger strike which to be honest is resonable...

Marcus nominates Lisa and Freddie.

Noireen noms Freddie (we're not shown why) - and Cairon for being "lazy" and having nothing in common with her. As she doesn't nom Sree can we just assume that she's a retard?

Siavash wonderfully nominates Charlie and Lisa for being shitclowns or something.

Before Sree goes in to nominate he nicks Cairon's cornflakes prompting a four letter onslaught from the world's worst gangsta, which gives Sree the ammo to whinge about  Cairon's bad language before going in and nominating him ("In my charity and decent character I do not tolerate -- the F word" - how many other people yelled "Oh FUCK off" at this point. He also chooses Freddie for having gone to Oxford Uni "I also come from a good university.. I am president and recently elected".

We don't get to see Kris or Lisa's picks, but they're fucking predictable (Kris nominated Freddie and Angel, Lisa nominated Marcus and Freddie) - so as immature and uncouth as Cairon may be, only he's had the sense to pick Sree. Oh and I almost forgot about Rodrigo cos he's not real, but he went for Freddie and Cairon too cos he has no mind.

Sree manages to poison most of the people who didn't vote for him by giving them raw bacon sandwichs (to be fair, Rodrigo eggs him on by mistaking bacon for cured ham - "In my country they do not cook this"  - I actually know a mad German woman who gave raw bacon to her uni lecturers cos she couldn't find Serrano ham at Tescos).  I love the fact that Big Brother doesn't even bother intervening as a bunch of housemates are potentially given worms. Sadly Lisa susses it (bite of bread stuck in her mouth like Withnail in the Irish pub) and Sree's all justifying apologies ("I never eat bacon before") whilst Rodrigo's incensed that Sree involves him ("don't put the fault on me - people will think I'm crazy").

Noireen announces that she hasn't had sex "in seven months" to the amazement of Rodrigo and Kris. Noireen insists that she's not a slag like "English girls" (that will win you some votes when you need them Noireen) and she can't sleep with someone with a crap personality, but Rodrigo still can't compute this ("you can't sleep with a personality"). 

Noireen's clearly near virginal status draws Sree near like a rape moth to the flame. "You're my good friend here" he smarms as she contorts her body as far away as possible. It's like watching Pepe Le Pew in action. He then starts dragging her around in a "friendly" stylee, his hand moving disturbingly down her back, round her waist, fingers straining towards her bumcrack - and I pray for Big Brother to provide the poor cow with pepper spray. Noireen rather rubbishly plays along with Sree and puts make up on, whilst he wrenches his honeyed words into her ear. She tries her best to keep him at bat ("I don't want to lead you on"), but it's all too little too late and Sree ends up trotting to the diary room to request Big Brother's mediation in his imaginary love affair ("She thinks I'm superman, but I'm not.. I'm an ordinary man... Could you please talk on my side with Noireen?"). Oh god! Sree then worries that his Yoda like passion may be too much for the object of his stalky desires ("Scary person I am"). A nation subconsciously checks that their door and windows are safely locked - before deciding not to vote to evict him whilst he's up - just to keep him off the streets. Siavash just takes the piss when he hears that Sree has declared his lurve for Noireen.

In the lounge Freddie admits that his dream is to have a camper van with a horse in the back. A bemused Rodrigo shrugs "Oh yeah..is caravan with place for horse in back" as though in Brazil this is so common as to render any further discussion redundant. For some bizarre reason Charlie decides that the so-laid-back-he's-horizontal Freddie is "stressed out" so takes him outside to shout at him and calm him down. Freddie copes with this with pretty good humour, but Charlie's clearly so keen on relaxing our ethereal Tory boy that he and Kris decide to deprive him of sleep when they're all in bed later (knowing that sleep deprivation's the one thing that really stresses him out) by doing the goodnight sequence from the Waltons endlessly, and I mean endlessly so that any last vestige of humour there may have been in saying "Goodnight John boy" when one was a kid is ripped brutally out.

Siavash, Cairon and Marcus don't care - they're all snuggled up together - awwwww!


Day 14 sees the housemates attempting to organise themselves for a dance task, and Marcus already getting killy with Sree, who's predictably declared himself to be da greatest dancer.

In the Diary Room Marcus vents some Sree spleen ("He makes you so mad you just wanna punch his head in") before declaring himself cool enough to rise above it ("I'm cool... you can't get no cooler. I was born to be the man.. I breath cool, I eat cool, I shit cool- I'm Captain cool as fuck").

The dance training continues, and Marcus forbids Sree from arsing around and ruining the task. "Stop bullying other people" Sree whines at Marcus. "STOP RAISING YOUR VOICE" Marcus retorts, somewhat losing his "Captain cool" status. Freddie suggests they "be pragmatic" in their attempts to rein Sree in, by er.. getting Noireen to talk to him. Oh good thinking Freddie - send her to reason with her stalker - she'll thank you for that. Marcus tries to take over and counts in his beat, but of course Sree simply ignores him and counts himself in:

Marcus "One two - throw - three four"
Sree (on the very off beat) - "One two three - throw - four"
Marcus (in his head) "One two - stab Sree - four!"

Poor old Charlie has to break off from his macho posturing with Kris to practice being lead dancer and look foolish in headphones. He's all pretend eager and puppyish with Big Brother ("Ah'm just gonna practice.. Ah don wanna let anyone down - Ahm not one of these dancers ah didn go to dance skool"... giggle giggle "Ah can bend me legs an stuff like that - that helps") and the urge to bend his legs with a hammer rises. His task is made more difficult by every group being a bit shit in the practise session, but of course Sree's group is the crowning glory as most of them stop and argue about the timing, apart from the lovely Angel who does the routine, unphased that she is alone.

Marcus tries to impose his hairy will on Sree ("We're being judged on this"), but Sree argues back and flounces into the lounge where the other group are rehearsing claiming he wants some "peace" (Rodrigo "You want pease in the bath but not in here"). Meanwhile Marcus moans about Sree ("He's a fucking idiot") to a half oblivious Freddie ("I strongly agree").

The housemates gather round to hear who's up for eviction. There's no reaction to "Halfwit", but all moan and wail in shock when Cairon's name is announced. Siavash is almost in tears ("What the fuck am I gonna do") at the thought of losing his "homie". Cairon's a bit dumbstruck ("I'm decent!" - is he under the impression that people who get nominated are paedos or drug dealers ffs?) and runs around trying to figure out who nominated him, with a few of those very people (including Sree) rather disingenuously joining him. Perhaps Cairon was nommed cos in his official BB photo he's wearing a red hat - and all the other housemates have watched "The Wire" - or maybe it's because he's a bit of a nob.

Freddie's resigned ("I knew I'd be ev.. up for eviction a lot"), but his little dope-tarded priveledged mind seems to be ticking over asking what will endear him to the GBP, having survived two other eviction votes and worryingly he seems to think that going for full on exaggerated eccentricity will do the trick and bursts into a series of songs from the musicals to the bemusement of Angel. Later in the diary room he comes across as uncomfortably smug and confident that the public will keep him in. Oh well so Freddie is a bit of a cock, but at least he's not aggressive, or too rapey (now he's stopped stroking Dogface's neck).

Sree's decided that it's time to make Noireen jealous by playing hard to get. Erm yeah. "I told you I have a girlfriend leave me alone" he screeches at her when she politely asks him something. Yes Sree, inventing a girlfriend who you haven't mentioned for two weeks will have Noireen frothing at the gash in no time at all. I bet Sree tried to bring in a case full of rohypnol as his "luxury".

Kris and Charlie show what big brave men they are by dissing Sree out of earshot in the lounge. At least Freddie has the decency to be honest to Sree's face, when asked by Sree "Do you think I'm a good person?" (Freddie "There are definitely things I don't like about you..."). Sree, as usual, ends the conversation by getting all mock humble, stating worryingly "You are a flower in my rose garden" and Freddie's quick to pick up on the control-freakery inherent in this "YOUR rose garden.. you don't HAVE to be the boss". Sree rephrases "Or the flowers in my pocket". Oh yeah that's better - and not at all reminiscent of John Fowles's "The Collector".

Liking: Siavash, Angel
Conflicted by likings for: Freddie, Marcus
Not hating: Dogface, Noireen, Karly
Disliking: Lisa, Rodrigo, Kris
Really fuckin hating: Charlie, Sree