I don't have friends. End of story. I don't have 'true' friends. I mean, yea all you people on here on myspace, you are my friends...but if I'm sad, you can't confort me, if I need help, you can help me. I could be in trouble like, dieing or being kidnapped, and you couldnt help me if you wanted to. I don't have friend here cause no one can relate to me. Everyone here, is...Different. I call Florida Gangsta Vill/Laguna Beach Florida style. Nothing but preppy bitches and gangsta thugs. No one here is like me in anyway. I'm a loner here. No one likes me, or atleast dosnt seem to. If they really did like me and wanted to be my friend, wouldnt they want to do something with me? Like, go somewhere? Talk? I dont talk on the phone..ever! I dont have any friends to talk to. And Im also very shy, which people dont seem to relize. I'm tired of people saying theyre my friend when they arnt. No one 'really' understands me or knows the 'true' me. Or it could be all in my head. I really dont know. I confuse myself. I seem to want to be accepted, but then I dont want to... I want to go out with people and experience things, but I seem to be afraid to do so.
I've boxxed myself up in my room and dont want to come out. And no ones going to reach in the catch my hand to help me out into the world. Cause no one wants to. I get jealous of all the people that go out, have fun, go to eachothers houses and have fun. I get soo jealous...cause, I think..."Why can't I be like that?" Then, I tell myself "You can be like that" But then negative thinking comes in "You wont be accepted for you."
What I really want most in the whole world...is a true friend. Who will be there for me. Someone I can relate to and talk to about everything. I want to be more outgoing and more...more like them. People that go out and have fun...with friends. Since I have NO friends, I tell myself "You don't need friends, you can live without them." No matter how many times I tell myself that, I know its not true. You need friends. Friends are what keep you going. Me no having friends could be a reason why I feel to just give all up, to throw in the towel, to just...dissapear...I mean seriously, come on...If I were to die tomorrow...no one would care. No one would really know. It'll be like "Whos Tarah?"
I just..want a friend. But I seem to want it..but not want it...cause i'm afraid of being hurt.