I didnt see it coming
feel it waning
or even grasp
you were making the decision
I probably dont even know all the reasons
but I understand
oh do I understand
why you would want to leave
be rid of this place
down and out

I went walking today
pondering and thinking
remembering and wondering
--been remembering a lot
walking the lonely roads
the darkeneds streets
feeling nothing
lack of anything
trying to find motivation
trying to see a future
I understand why you thought you needed to leave
because I feel nothing
no direction
just drifting along an endless road

Youve been gone almost a month though
from giving up to a bullet
its lonely for us
--more so now
I understand
I dont wish to follow
but I understand
I ask and pleed for direction
for something to spark an interest
but you made it harder
because now I feel even more pressure
to move on
to move up the latter of worldly tracks

I know God is in control
but that doesnt mean I dont know what to do
ive said goodbye a few times
but it doesnt stop the hurt
I lost a brother
a friend
and now I wonder even more so
what to do
its been almost a month
and I still dont know "how I am"
I understand
--mostly
why you did it
but that doesnt help me any
it doesnt help me know what to do
or how im supposed to do it
and now I have a hurt I didnt before
but I forgive you
I just wish I had an incling of what to do




-------- I guess Ill say it again; bye nathan --------