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Category: Travel and Places
**This is an ongoing series recapping
my last vacation even though the entry you are about to read was
actually written before I even took the trip.**
After our
morning dives, we rejoined our group at Rancho Permiso, a private ranch
in the highlands of Santa Cruz and home to over 100 giant land
tortoises. Everyone said they missed us and added that we didn't miss
much by skipping the Charles Darwin Research Center, although we did
miss out on seeing Lonesome George, the legendary giant land tortoise who refuses to have sex and is the last known survivor of the Pinta, one of Christopher Columbus' famous ships.
We met the newest passengers: Jessica and Erika, best friends from Mexico, and Laura Bly,
travel writer for USA Today. Laura was writing an article about the
Galapagos and since Dolphin Trainer™ wanted more than anything to be
mentioned in a newspaper story, he made it his goal to kiss up to her
at every opportunity.
We also met our new guide: Jose Luis,
otherwise known as "Pepe". By the way, a simple Google search reveals
that everyone in the world named "Jose Luis" also goes by the name
"Pepe". What the hell is up with that? Originally, Pepe was supposed to
be our guide for the entire trip, but a personal matter kept him the
first four days so he asked Carlos to step in as a substitute. Just
like when a substitute teacher fills in for a regular teacher! But Pepe
had big sandals to fill since we were all so in love with Carlos.
Unfortunately, Carlos is not as perfect as we thought because he said
we would love Pepe.
Everything started off fine with our new
schoolmaster. He let us pose for pictures inside of giant tortoise
shells and then took us along some paths where we observed giant land
tortoises doing what giant land tortoises do: eat passionfruit, drink
water, and have sex right out in the open for all the tourists to see.
Perhaps that's why red state school boards hate evolution so much;
there's lots of hanky panky going on down in Darwin's old stomping
grounds! We heard the porno sound before we even saw them. It was a
loud, guttural moan that reminded me of that one scene from The Dark Crystal. Hey--they kind of look like turtles! Since we are all adults, we couldn't resist posing by the pair. I got a phoon
while Kim and Upasana decided to mimic what the tortoises were doing
which they thought of all on their own (ahem) without any suggestion
from me.
Once Pepe saw the girls mounting each other for
photographic fun, he gave us a stern lecture about "respecting" the
wildlife. I have to admit, he had a point. After all, the whalers of
the past almost drove the giant land tortoise to extinction by making
fun of their shells and mocking their sexual positions. Pepe's attitude
towards our group seemed to harden after that incident.
After
the tour of the tortoise sanctuary, we got to play some more inside the
giant tortoise shells. Whenever Laura pulled out her camera, Dolphin
Trainer™ did what he could to get into the shot. I guess the only thing
left to accomplish in your life once you become a dolphin trainer is to
be immortalized in a photo in a USA Today story.
We visited a lava tube near the ranch before hopping into the bus for the ride back to Puerto Ayora. Back on the Galaxy,
we gathered in the lounge where Headmaster Pepe introduced himself
officially. He announced that he was way more strict and less
fun-loving than Carlos without using any of those words. Pepe really was
the uptight teacher while Carlos was the cool substitute. That's right,
play time was over and schoolwork was about to begin. He went over
basic rules for the new passengers on board by first asking each of us
"veterans" to name a Galapagos park rule. I don't recall what rule each
person recited, but I do remember Dolphin Trainer™ proudly looking over
to Laura after he gave a rule as if to say, "Oh yeah, I'm the one you
need to interview if you want the *real* story, baby!"
I did
learn a new tidbit from Pepe. He said it was OK to brush your teeth
with the sink water. This was something I had been avoiding all trip
due to internet warnings. Dolphin Trainer™ continued to use bottled
water for the rest of the trip, but I took a chance and I don't regret
it one bit even though my teeth became gangrene and are sitting inside
a jar next to my bed right now.
Another difference between Pepe and Carlos was that Pepe referred to the dinghies as pangas. OK, still not as cool as Zodiak, but a definite improvement over dinghy. However, I shall still call them dinghies in honor of Carlos. After dinner on the Galaxy,
we all went back to Puerto Ayora and got to hang out around town for
two hours. The first thing we noticed were all the little kids hanging
out at the park with their parents despite it being way past their bed
time. Clearly with their no-bedtime-for-children attitude and their
cohabitating amongst giant humping tortoises lifestyle, this island
would be a blue state in the USA.
The chicas decided to be cool
and hang out with the chicos (as Dolphin Trainer™ and I were now
called) and we walked to a street lined with little shops where locals
sold trinkets and souvenirs. Sonia was looking for a deal and she
bargained one person down to $3.50 for a tortoise figurine made of pure
gold, but she walked away because she wouldn't pay more than $3. "It's
all about the principle," she explained as Dolphin Trainer™ wondered
aloud about what crazy souvenir would guarantee him a mention in
Laura's USA Today article.
We stopped by a bar and played some
pool and drank some alcohol. I caved to social pressure and let them
buy me a drink. I always feel bad when that happens because it just
seems like a waste of good alcohol. Yeah, I drank most of it, but it's
like buying a movie ticket for Helen Keller--she's just not going to get the same enjoyment out of it as you are, sighty.
The
chicas kept looking all over for some lady named "Mary Jane".
Apparently, there were some locals who knew where she was, but I guess
it costs money to see her or something. They went back and forth and
Sonia kept piping in about "principle", but in the end I don't think
they ever got to meet up with her although I hear they are all really
good friends back home.
We bought some postcards, saw tourists
riding up and down the street in a dragon tram, and ran into the
Turkish couple from our dives earlier that day who were still upset
about the "worst dive ever". At the end, we had to race to get back to
the dock because Principal Pepe had warned the students that if we
didn't get back to the dock before 10pm, he wouldn't wait or come back
for us and the Galaxy school bus would leave us on the island and our parents would have to come pick us up.
We took the ding...eh, sorry Carlos, but dinghy
really is lame. We took the pangas back to the boat and looked for the
Southern Cross along the way. King Matus seemed to know exactly where
it was. Kings usually have that type of knowledge since heavenly signs
often foretell their fortunes. I'd say that having done cruises in both
Antarctica and the Galapagos, I know I have seen the Southern Cross
many times. But, I couldn't point it out to you for the life of me.
As the Galaxy
left Santa Cruz heading south for its next stop, all the passenger
students toiled on their homework before retiring to bed except for
Dolphin Trainer™ who stayed up all night dreaming of starring in a USA
Today article and wondering if maybe, just maybe, Laura Bly was awake
in her cabin thinking about him, too.
4:32 AM
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