Well hey there everybody?!!   I am not sure how many peeps read this but I know there are atleast three of you actually subscribed to my blog?  I hope you enjoy what I have to say or you find humor in my ramblings.?

So I have been in Atlanta for the month and will start my way back to the left coast on May 31st, not so far away....   there have been times where I've felt at home and also very displaced and lost.   It's my own thought process I am sure.

I think I really got used to the island style of living on Camano, the quiet was and it is still at time both a curse and a blessing.  To know your alone, and be OK with it.  In the beginning I enjoyed the solitude very much, but as time went on it forced time and thoughts that made me look deep inside myself and soul search. Even question if I had a soul.  After many days and nights of silence, no internet, the time difference to make phone calls and many conversations with myself followed by tears due to the solitude and lonliness I am still coming to the conclusion that every day IS my choice.  Meaning, I am so fortunate to be living out my dream,  if it were easy everyone would be doing it.  What was I crying about anyway?  Being alone?  What have I done?  I am just crazy!?  What was or am I thinking I can do?  Do you really think your music is valueable enough to make your bills, even as little as they are?  Why am I having such a hard time doing this? Why don't I have it together?  How can you move forward when you are afraid to move? Which direction do I go?  Part time job? or Tour?  If I take a part time job that takes the time away from being able to tour.... if I tour, how am i going to get gas to tour?  If i do, will I be able to eat?  Do these thoughts mean I am weak? or am I strong?  Is sharing this with you also weak?  will you think I am looking for sympathy?  I guess I just analyze way too much and I should just trust my gut and go with it.  One day I am 'yes, I can do this'... the next I am questioning every move I have made along with my sanity.  I am learning though that it comes with the territory, it's the territory and trade off you go through when you take those steps of faith where there is no turning back on living your dreams.  I am lucky that I can pursue them, and I know that money can't buy happiness... but it can help you get to where you need to go.... I guess in a sense money is freedom as long as it doesn't run out?  I am trying to find the balance... but it all gets mixed up with security, material things and self worth. Though I am starting to think that it's ALL just a state of mind.

So what does all this mean?  Good question... just ramblings in mind that I am trying to move through.  What I do know is that I am grateful, thankful, blessed and loved and deep down with my confusion, I am happy.  I am walking my path...  maybe that's it? Maybe I should listen to the stillness around me a bit more so it can help me walk that path a bit easier....

Things that make you go hum?

Sending all of you love, laughter, music, light and always peace of mind.

Ronnda