So today I got the CD of my white water rafting trip I took in July....although the weekend was pretty much a bust, I didn't realize how much fun I had on the river until I looked at the pics. Either that, or I always have a goofy grin on my face.

So it got me thinking...I thought I wasn't having fun; I thought I was sailing down the river with a scowl on my face, but I guess I wasn't. So how many other times have I thought I looked sad, or withdrawn, when I really didn't?

I always try to be upbeat, to be happy, and while the beginning of summer was a challenge for me, I'm now in a place where I can walk around with a true smile on my face.

I've never been one to "fake it", but I'd always tried to hide the pain I was feeling so others wouldn't have to be bothered by it. But looking back, I always seemed to be happy, so it's no wonder most people didn't know what was going on with me.

I try to be uncomplicated, to make sure I'm upfront and honest in my life. That got blurred recently, and I got burned because of it.  But I've always been one to learn from my mistakes, and I've learned a lot recently.

I opened myself up, let myself be drawn in by someone I thought was a cool person. Now I see that time for what it really was - a ploy to get a free weekend out of me. The money aspect doesn't hurt as much as the way I was treated and used for someone else's personal gain.

Was I a sucker? You bet...but that will never happen again. For as quickly as I opened myself up to that person, I shut myself back down, and now the fury I feel will be placed where it is deserved. I make no apologies for the aftermath that is about to ensue...my vengence is deep, and usually absolute in its' ferocity.