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 From the beginning, people said it wouldn't last. She and I called them cynics, even as cracks began to show in the foundation upon which our love had been built.
She found Chris Matthews' "mush-mouth" to be adorable.
 I'd always known I wasn't her only gay. There was the elusive, mysterious David. And she'd snuck off at least once that I knew of to meet Totally Tyler.
And still, I went on believing that everything between us was fine.
Then the daily chats became every other day. "School" she'd say by way of explanation. Or "the baby", as if she didn't have a houseboy who saw to her every whim and a daughter who practically raised herself.
In fact, it was said daughter who finally clued me in to the fact that I'd been abandoned. The child and I were chatting on IM one night and I asked where her mother was. The little girl admitted to being alone in the house. Like me, she had been abandoned by the Nubian Goddess who had promised to love us both forever and ever! I asked, "Does she ever mention me?" and, after a painfully long pause, got the typed response, "No. You ain't her #1 gay anymore."
So as hard as this will be for many of you to hear, it is sad but true: The legendary romance of Nina and Traflie, which flourished before you and in which so many of you played a crucial part, has come to an end.
Now, I don't want to make this difficult on you, our precious children, but... well, this isn't going to be easy on any of us. Decisions will have to be made. You can be my friend or hers, but both? That's simply not an option.
Before you make your decision, however, I ask that you remember these simple facts:
1) I'm a lot lower-maintenance that Nina. She is a very needy creature who requires constant attention, praise, kudos and comments.
2) She thinks Chris Matthews is cute. I mean, come on.
3) She only two days ago realized that one of her latest crushes, Zachary Quinto, is gay.
4) I always buy the first drink, often the second, and after that will be blotto enough that you can tell me it's my round.
5) Nina will cut a bitch. You know it's true! She says it all the time! Where do you think I learned the phrase "pull a shank outta my weave?" (Face it... she's where you learned it too, as well as a lot of other very bad things!)
6) I cook five nights a week. If someone doesn't bring Nina food, she will go hungry until she becomes literally rabid, at which point she will eat human flesh. Donny has the bite marks to prove it.
7) She hates people with kids. It's a well-established fact, supported by the blogs of others and comment wars.
8) She's a total liar. Three days ago, she promised to call me. And then the next day actually threatened me if I wasn't near my phone, which as the above photos prove I totally was, and yet she never called.
9) She has the morals of a... well, actually, of a nothing, because she has no morals whatsoever. Did you READ her blog about the perfect blowjob? Or the one in which she lezzied out with a porn star? Little known fact: She's the inspiration for the Cher song "Gypsies, Tramps & Thieves."
10) Like New York City Mayor Mike Bloomberg, I'm not above buying your love.
12:05 AM
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