April 14th, 1912 – I found work as a souf chef on the RMS Titanic. My shift was winding down and my crew and I were prepping for tomorrow’s breakfast when we discovered the big blocks of ice we kept in the freezer were tainted. The executive chef told us to get rid of them so the boys and I decided to have a little ice throwing contest. I threw mine about 50 yards out west. It was a nice throw..
May 6th, 1937 – I boarded the LZ 129 Hindenburg after a business trip In Bavaria.on May 3rd. The crew reported we were approaching New Jersey right after dinner and I had some friends in ..Lakehurst.. that were supposed to pick me up. I wasn’t too hungry that night, I just had some oatmeal and cottage cheese went right through me. Soon as I got to the John and let one off everything was on fire!
July 2nd, 1937 – I changed my name to Fred Noonan in the 30’s- gave me some respectability. I was working with Amelia Earhart as the second navigator on her equatorial expedition across the world. We were 800 miles off from Lae, New Guinea looking down the Nukumanu Islands when she began to feel a little sleepy. I was pretty tired myself, but there were only 7,000 miles left in our trip so I decided to take one for the team. As soon as I got behind the controls I blanked out and before I knew it we were swimming with sharks.
May 18th, 1980 – I took a solo trip up Mount Saint Helens to let off some steam from work. I was really thirsty so I grabbed one of the cola’s out of my bag that I packed. I took a swift gulp and let out a big ol’ burp. My bad...