READY?! Blog time!

For the record, you were supposed to read that like hammer time. I know most of you probably didn't, but that's the feel I was going for.

ANYWAY! Let us get on with the story that brings us to this here writing of the blog (which I apologize for the slight hiatus. It wasn't intentional, I swear it.)

I was in a Tornado.

You know, if I was cruel I would end it right there, and leave the rest of you to go "Well bravo, Manda, that was a pleasant waste of my time." It'd make you smile. You know it.

But, alas, I love telling stories, so I'm debating where I shall begin this on.

I know. We'll go with the comment 'Hey, Nick, look at the horizon. The clouds are darker than the mountains are. This is going to be one helluva drive home.'

Now, previously that day Manda was subjected to shopping in a nearby city for a birthday present (groan). Manda has yet to figure out how subjecting her to hours of something she hates constitutes as a gift, but it is what it is.

So we're on the ride home. We consists of My mother, my little brother, Adam, my other brother, Nick, and his girlfriend, Brytni. Well, and of course me, but that was obviously a given. Right, so I'm driving. It's begun to get a wee bit windy, and there's pellets of rain descending amongst us. This, however, does not worry those of us in the vehicle in the least. In fact, we're more edgy about the Albertans ahead of us who seem to have no conception what so ever of what a corner is. But, I digress.

Branches begin to decorate the roads, twisting through the air almost angelically, until one smacks the roof of the car. This prompts a lovely comment from my brother:

'FUCK, Manda, stop fucking hitting shit!'

'I'm not HITTING it, Nicholas, it's fucking hitting me!'

We care for each other, we really do. We come around the bend, and there's trees collapsing onto power lines and lighting in flames- which, I might add, looks shockingly beautiful in contrast to the cool hues surrounding. Not that my eyes really had a chance to linger there very long.

Manda is beginning to contemplate at this point on whether leaving Cranbrook was really the smartest of plans. However, I don't have much time to linger on that thought because low and behold, there's a collection of 10 or so trees downed on the road ahead of us. Carefully, following those damn'd Albertans that I so despised, we sneak around the first set of trees. There's now shit flying absolutely everywhere, and ahead there's another block on the road, this time about a block long and growing. To the right the trees are beginning to fall to the roads as if being snapped as nothing bigger as twigs.

Calmly I watch one, two, three, and then seven go, with more following. Staring at the collection of birch, spruce, and pine trees on the road, my eyes wander ahead, now at a standstill due to the amount of traffic and havoc decorating the area. There's an idiot pulling a yacht like boat with his huge ass dumb truck. He's trying to avoid the set of trees now currently in the works of falling (not to mention the ones directly next to us are considering on joining their fellow companions on the road.

The truck, inevitably, is hit with a couple trees, and pushed into the ditch where the new decorative items impale the glass and rest across the boat. Those same stupid Albertans ahead of me see their "chance" and decide to try and sneak by the trailer on one side, and the collapsing trees next to them. They must be idiots, because the area they're trying to fit through is less than half of the size of their car. Soon two more of them join the following in the ditch, flying debris now breaking windshields and denting down the roofs.

Now it's clear decision time. I, of course, throw the car into reverse. The car behind me, however, isn't going anywhere and is unfortunate enough to be pulling one hell of a trailer on the back. So I do the best I can to pull around and begin to navigate the maze of cars swerving this way and that. Somehow (and I still don't fucking know how) we manage to get back to the original collapse of trees, which is highlighted quite nicely by the ever growing sparks and fire of the power lines. Getting back to this road isn't much better, but there's less of a worry of trees collapsing on us. Taking a glance back in the mirror I mutter a simple curse to the forest, which is ever so conveniently deciding to relocate itself upon the highway.

So here's my lovely diagram, just in case you all wanted to see it.

It's quiet for a few moments, and then everyone takes the chance to talk.

'Holy shit.' Mom.

'Thank you, Manda.' Adam.

'That was insane. I thought we were gonna die.' Nick, of course.

'Fuck.' Brytni.

'You drove us into a Tornado, and then you drove us out again.' Love you too, Mom.

And then they go about attempting to tell me how to drive, including the 12 year old, which is quickly silenced. Every car we pass (which is a great deal of vehicles, let me tell you) we're trying to gesture to GO THE OTHER WAY. Guess it doesn't work when you can only see two feet in any direction. Even when the lightning dances across the sky it's faded due to the rain fall. Son of a bitch.

We get back to Cranbrook, and, unsurprisingly the power is out. Renting a room for the night I go in search of a phone at a friend's house. Along the way there is the typical lovely decoration of roofs, glass, signs (which were previously bolted to the ground, I might add), and your grade A typically stupid drivers.

Upon reaching my friend's house they announce that, even though there's power everywhere around them the phone doesn't work. This leaves us to go get food (from either one of the two places still open, both Pizza places. This leads me to believe there's a conspiracy.)

All in all, it was fun. I know, shock, weird way to end a blog, but I ran offa adrenaline and am glad I experienced it. Cheese.

Oh, and P.S. I don't wanna hear from all you people about 'OH MY GOD, WE SUFFER SO MUCH WORSE DOWN HERE IN THE STATES.' Stfu. We have trees. Big ones. You go have one fall on you and see how you make out. Exactly. That's what I thought.

And scene.