I've spent so many tears that I could create a river. Enough to go kayaking at the least. I've created my own dynamic river. It rarely runs low. Lately the river has been high. Full of energy, pulsing, the water is so high that all the features have just become down right scary. Why do I insist on trying to run this shit? Surely it's not only above my skill level, but higher than anyone should ever have to run it. I've created this crazy river that is a machine, washing out all the good things that once were. Surely I should know by now that you can't fight mother nature.
And that's what this has all become. I need to kick in the dam and make it enjoyable again. But I first have to break my addiction to this unruly whitewater.