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© 2008
Love Notes and Lemonade
All Rights Reserved.

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if you like it and would like to share it you can provide a link to this page,
but DO NOT take it and post it anywhere else. thanks!

Jessica Mara



Last Updated: 11/18/2009

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March 8, 2008 - Saturday 

Category: Romance and Relationships

…and then one day it happened.

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I stopped waiting for him to make his words a reality, and I realized that you cannot trust some people's words (even though you once swore by them), and you have to rely on their actions instead.

 

I forgot to feel stupid for all the times I gave him affection that was rejected, because I was reminded that vulnerability is one of my strengths, and I decided to save it for someone who was worthy of it.

 

When I saw that I had new messages I stopped thinking that one of them might be from him, and I realized that the wrong kind of hope can be a careless thing.

 

I went a whole week without thinking about him, because I replaced him with something more valuable.

 

I threw away the list of things I wanted to debate with him, because I found places where revolutionary ideas are everywhere.

 

I didn't feel the need to walk backwards, because I found better places to go.

 

I neglected to think about the past, because some moments don't carry on to the next, even though they once looked like they would have been able to.

 

I ran out of resentment, because some things aren't worth holding on to.

 

 

The last straw fell…and I wasn't there to catch it, because I didn't need it anymore.

 

 

 

 

 

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RoQ☆

 
"you have to rely on their actions instead."

Cheap talk IS, just cheap talk. Way to open your mind's eye in lieu of the events that brought in the sun.
 
Posted by RoQ☆ on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:08 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
I would say some people who talk are cheap, so their talk is cheap.

I have friends who can stand on their words, because it is that strong.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:32 AM
[Reply to this
RoQ☆

 
Well said. Can be elaborated in so many ways:
"Empty barrels make the most..
Have nothing good to say don't say.."
Sometimes I stay quiet because I already know when I'm being lied to. Unexpected at times, albeit disappointing. A friend told me once it's because people don't want to let me down - so I guess they lie - and let me down

..twice.

Great line. Those friends, sound like keepers. You're a luQky girl. That same friend who I mentioned above helped me with this universal saying: "Not much of a man if you cannot be taken for your word eh."
Much more if anything needn't be said than that.
 
Posted by RoQ☆ on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 7:16 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
I know I am... they are my 'other self'.

I think we all need to find at least one other self.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:33 AM
[Reply to this
<Comfortably Numb>

 
Holy shit... I just wrote about almost the same topic...


Jinx!
 
Posted by <Comfortably Numb> on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:32 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
NO WAY!!! That's crazy-awesome.


*off to read your blog*

P.S. Do I have to buy you a coke?
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:41 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
thanks Darryl...gee I haven't felt this good in a while! I'm all about "embracing the pain and all" but sometimes the pain isn't as good as it used to be.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:42 AM
[Reply to this
Lyra

 
Awesome.
 
Posted by Lyra on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:42 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
=)
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:43 AM
[Reply to this
arrowseye (æ)

 
revolutionary ideas don't grow on trees...they come like clouds, when the wind blows just right....so where are these places? and i'm guessing you are not talking about Starbucks.... AE x.
 
Posted by arrowseye (æ) on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 10:33 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
Oh, there are places you can go where "the wind blows just right"...and when you find them...it's quite a beautiful thing! =)
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:25 AM
[Reply to this
De Lyn

 
I love this! How liberating!
 
Posted by De Lyn on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 1:33 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
yes...it's nice to feel liberated every now and then...sometimes i just have to!
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:21 AM
[Reply to this
is the bestest and only mommy for E

 
wow, this is a great one. I would love to share it with a few friends who are going through a hard time and I think they would get a lot of out this.
 
Posted by is the bestest and only mommy for E on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 1:56 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
sure thing laura! =)
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:21 AM
[Reply to this
Bob the Buddha Absconditus
Bob Hoeppner

 
Excellent, especially the last line. The last time I went through this it took me nine months to get to that point. Brava!
 
Posted by Bob the Buddha Absconditus on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 2:26 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
Oh, this was no 'overnight' thing...it's been months in the making! ;)
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:22 AM
[Reply to this
Jorge
Jorge Concepcion

 
It's an old saying but it's true. "Actions speak louder than words". In friendships, family, work place and relationships.
 
Posted by Jorge on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 2:55 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
very true, but with some people you don't need to see their actions to know...others are not as reliable.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:26 AM
[Reply to this
Eileen

 
Very true and yet it is hard to take that first step.
 
Posted by Eileen on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 3:40 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
It's weird...but I think I took "the first step" a while ago...I just didn't realize I did then.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:27 AM
[Reply to this
Duncan de la Montagne

 
I can relate to this because I have felt this way in my life, though not for years, I don't have a sentimental bone in my body now - life took care of that.

It's all very liberating though, haha, and I don't mean being free from love etc. Such a sense of relief when you realize it doesn't hurt anymore and that you are free to breath again. Happy for you, Jess.
 
Posted by Duncan de la Montagne on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 5:48 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
I guess we get addicted to all kinds of things...even 'the hurt'
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:28 AM
[Reply to this
Fiona M Chapelle

 
I love this, I want to arrive at that day, I want it to have been yesterday...maybe it was...

fiona
smile
x
 
Posted by Fiona M Chapelle on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:35 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
=)
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:28 AM
[Reply to this
bert
bert russell

 
"Methinks the lady doth protest too much."
 
Posted by bert on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 6:58 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
haha...
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:28 AM
[Reply to this
Mike; The Lone Maverick
Mike Schonewolf

 
Well, I'm glad you're getting over it. Are you in water in that picture?
 
Posted by Mike; The Lone Maverick on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 7:06 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
What picture are you taking about?
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:29 AM
[Reply to this
Joe Quarles, short fiction writer
joseph quarles

 
i can more than relate to this.
 
Posted by Joe Quarles, short fiction writer on March 8, 2008 - Saturday - 10:43 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
well, it's a good thing to relate to...so YAY!
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:30 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
=)
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:30 AM
[Reply to this
~ Carol ~

 
This is finding me in a strange place tonight. Makes me wonder what I really do need.
 
Posted by ~ Carol ~ on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 2:37 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
best wishes...for whatever you may do.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 3:30 AM
[Reply to this
Art
Art Noble

 
Congratulations! Both on this work and on your escape from a possibly disastrous illusion. I love the last line and may steal it. I guess the trick is in learning whether they are lying to themselves and we believe it, or they are just lying to us and we believe it. Either way, it doesn't work for us.

Excellent work and a damn good expression of it!
Art
 
Posted by Art on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 11:33 AM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
Well I think truth telling or promise keeping is a personal responsibility that needs to be used with digression. I don't think that you are morally obligated to all ways tell the truth, or always keep your promises. (I wrote about this in an earlier blog) However when you are dealing with someone you care about, you do have an obligation to them. If you continuously make promises or say things just to use extra words, and those extra words hurt the 'loved' one then you are at fault. And if you have issues that 'make' you hurt others you need to figure out how to get them in check, because your not just dealing with you anymore...you have someone else's heart in your hands. Oh, and that last line is mine...don't even think of stealing it!!!
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 11:11 PM
[Reply to this
Cassandra Cutlass Crowfae

 
"The last straw fell..." Lovely bit or prosetry that says in a few lines what others take whole self help books to tell....
 
Posted by Cassandra Cutlass Crowfae on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 1:58 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
thanks so much Cassandra!
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 11:11 PM
[Reply to this
alex

 
wELL written......... makes every difficult action seem easy, (like moving forward)
 
Posted by alex on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 4:09 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
Well, in my case the moving forward happened when I wasn't 'looking'...but there were many steps needed to get there.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 11:13 PM
[Reply to this
Shaunes Bikini & Sensual Photography
Shaune Saunders

 
Very cool. We all have loose ends that we can never seem to get to look the way we want. Then you think beggeres cant be choosers, your words made me elevate my value from begger to chooser. Becasue hanging on or letting go is just that, a choice right. Its hard to explain love rationally with logic, but your words are inspiered. thankyou
 
Posted by Shaunes Bikini & Sensual Photography on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 7:35 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
I think it's hard to find the balance between living our own life to the fullest and giving parts of our self to others...because there are times when self sacrifice is necessary, however those times can turn you into a doormat if you are not careful.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 11:05 PM
[Reply to this
Michael

 
Do these guys know who you're talking about when they read your poems...or are they too oblivious for even that?
 
Posted by Michael on March 9, 2008 - Sunday - 7:48 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
I would hope that the guys I build relationships with are not oblivious to the world...haha. Some of their egos often lead them to believe that a particular post is directed at them, when in fact it isn't...I don't always post something right after I write it, I sometimes will post something I wrote a few months ago, so the posting date isn't a clear indication of an actual time line. To tell you the truth I don't know if they read my blog religiously, I know that in the past some of them have read blogs concerning them, because they have confronted me about it.

I think that there is an issue that every blogger must deal with and it is how much disclosure should you place in your blogs. It's a difficult thing to figure out, because it often involves others. I have neglected to post many things I would have posted if I was writing under a pseudonym.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 10, 2008 - Monday - 12:39 AM
[Reply to this
Michael

 
You write: "Some of their egos often lead them to believe that a particular post is directed at them, when in fact it isn't..." So, we now have an update of Carly Simon song line, "Youre so vain, you probably think this blog is about you."
 
Posted by Michael on March 10, 2008 - Monday - 1:46 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
haha, I guess so!
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 10, 2008 - Monday - 3:16 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
awe, thanks.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 10, 2008 - Monday - 3:16 PM
[Reply to this
Easy Rog ;)

 
That is wisdom and you express it well. Love this. Just nailed it.

Rog ;)
 
Posted by Easy Rog ;) on March 10, 2008 - Monday - 11:55 PM
[Reply to this
Jessica Mara

 
thanks Rog.
 
Posted by Jessica Mara on March 12, 2008 - Wednesday - 2:13 AM
[Reply to this
jo jo

 
thing is...you never needed it, and he never deserved you :)
 
Posted by jo jo on March 11, 2008 - Tuesday - 2:25 PM
[Reply to this
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