so i finaly decided that the pain iz too much and i told the one person that i truely wanted to spend my life wit that i can't be hiz friend bcuz im a horrible person and tha pain iz too much for me to handle, and he told me that wuznt fair, how iz if not fair??? if sumthing caused u pain wouldn't u stay away from it?? how can i continue to play pretend wen az it iz itz hard enough to think about him, if im sumplace and it remindz me of hmi or i remember sumthing about him i want to curl up in a ball and cry, sumtimez while im at work it hitz me like a brick wall and evryone askz if im oky, and i lie and say yes but realy im not, i hate life without him, i hate my bed, i hate my dayz off, i cant go on like thiz which iz y i decided that i never want to see him or talk to him again, and that hurt just as much, after i told him i felt like i wuz havin a heart attack, and wut i now know iz an anxiety attack, but with time hopefully i will heal and the memoriez will fade and quite popin up, but that bein said for right now im a reck and i cant stand my self i keep snaping on ppl and i feel like my world iz crashing