NORTH AMERICA

An overweight prisoner in the United States is suing the authorities for not feeding him enough after he lost seven stone (45kg) in jail.  The warden is using this opportunity to launch his 'Thin-mate' diet system which he hopes will be a bigger hit than Atkins'.

SOUTH AMERICA

Chilean Mayor Gonzalo Navarette Munoz wants to improve the quality of life of the older people in his municipality by giving them free access to Viagra.  A local widower has written Gonzalo a letter asking if the State can help him get free access to prostitutes so that he too can benefit from this innovation.

MIDDLE EAST

Iran's top prosecutor has called for restrictions in the import of Western toys.  The Prosecutor General, Ghorban Ali Dori Najafabadi, said that toys such as Barbie, Batman, and Harry Potter would have negative social consequences. Toy companies are considering issuing special Iran-friendly versions of their products including Burqa Barbie, Batman comics in which he cuts limbs off the thieves he catches, and additional scenes written into Harry Potter where he is aided in his fight against He-who-must-not be-named by He-who-must-not-be-drawn

UNITED KINGDOM

Restaurant giant McDonald's is providing its UK workers with new designer uniforms, in a "mark of respect" for its staff.  These workers will now be able to work for long hours making minimum wage with more dignity.