You know what I think is the most beautiful thing in the world? The night sky. The brightly shinning stars nestled in the smooth unending vision of dark blue velvet with the ever glorious and awe-inspiring face of the moon as she winks down on you from outer space daring you take one more look. It's just captivating to me.

Too bad the rest of my life isn't that beautiful! I mean it's like how do you start over when you can't even find a job? And what do you do when you realize you really can't? You start over somewhere else. I'm not ready to start over again, already. I mean I had a job that I loved, working with people I adore and I left it. For what? For nothing, that's what. I did apply at Hot Topic though, but as Dad put it "Would you walk away with any money?" No Dad I wouldn't!  I mean it is seriously hard as crap to get a job here! I mean I know Kristen told me that before I even got here but I thought she meant like no one is ever hiring. But no, everyone was hiring, they're just hiring people with retail experience, which I don't have. I swear if I have to be a waitress (which is a perfectly respectable job, but so not for people with my temper/personality) there will be blood!

I just keep waiting for my life to start and every time I try to jump start it-I fail. I've screwed myself over so bad, I just hope I'm not at the point of no return. I mean I definitely won't be able to get into a university now, and I'm like well what now then? Even if I could get into a university I don't even know what I want to do with my life (as always). I mean I used to have such high hopes for myself.

I am so flipping lonely, on top of it all. All I want is a guy to spend my time with. I mean yeah it would be really nice to have a commitment, but right now I'll settle for dating. Everyone was like "Oh well you're moving to a military town, you'll have a boyfriend in no time". Boy I sure showed them, huh? PS: That's bad. I just don't understand, I used to have boyfriends in high school, etc. And they were almost always older than me, now it's like I'm no longer good enough for college guys. I'm just so sick of liking people who hardly care that I exisist, don't like me back, or are already taken. I mean seriously, since when is it so hard to find someone?

I'm just at a really hard time in my life right now and I really need someone to understand this.  I'm trying to figure everything out and  I'm beginning to realize that I can't do it all by myself.