This is an idea that I have come up with by reflecting on my life and looking at things I think are wrong with the world. In short it means that if you succeed at something with little effort, then you wont value it or even remember it. Only by struggling and overcoming your failure or obsticle will you garner the wisdom to know when you have done well.
I know that this seems very simple and some people may not agree with it, but lets look at some examples.
- Have you noticed a trend in the United States where our children seem to be more and more violent? They seem to be more and more narcissistic? Have you also noticed they have less and less hurdles to overcome? Every generation says I want to make it so that my children does not have to deal with what I did. If you are not belittled, then how do you understand what it is like to be singled-out or humiliated? By protecting your child from that horror, you have inadvertently reduced the possibility that they will learn compassion. You have also taken an opportunity from your child to know that they can overcome that situation. If you think about it, you can go on with this ad infinitum.
- It is a proven fact that when you are experiencing an emotional situation, your brain remembers more. Emotion causes longer memory and the bigger the emotion, the crisper and longer the memory sticks with us. Ever been in a car crash? Bet you can remember most every detail. So you think that you should be able to tell your child to be more thoughtful, but the fact is that it is more likely if they experience the pain of failure that they will remember it better. For instance, when my cousin was three years old, you used to think that everyones cup of coke, cook-aid or whatever was his to drink from. He was often told to not take other peoples drinks. Then one day he reached up on the desk and took a cup of coffee which he spilled down his front. He wasn't burned bad at all, but he never again took anyones drinks.
- Have you noticed that teens and young adults who have been identified as problem children are sent to re-habilitation camps that the camps are both physically and emotionally hard? These types of camps are also used by our military because they have proven the best way to strip the inadequacies people have learned in their previous life away and give them confidence in themselves. Having gone through basic training I can tell you that no matter what you do the first few weeks, you will never be right. You will ALWAYS fail. As the program progresses, your actions will have more and more to do with if you succeed or not. You will feel that you have applied yourself and overcome this notoriously harsh situation. You will know something about your limits and thus a little bit better who you are. You will have created some self-esteem.
If you stop and think about it, you could probably come up with more reasons or examples of this process working.
So I ask you, with this knowledge in hand, when you look back at the mistakes you made in your life, are you uncomfortable with the shame or are you comforted by the wisdom you garnered so that you know you will never do it again? The next time you give someone advice that they don't heed, don't try to force the situation or manipulate them. Instead understand that they need to fail in order to learn the lesson and then be there to offer to help them up WITHOUT condemnation or an "I TOLD YOU SO!" By doing that you will show them you love them and accept them for who they are and after all, isn't that what life is really about?