In early May, I wrote a song that was haunting.  Sometimes when writing or playing I'm taken away from myself.  And it's in those moments I am touched by something greater.  It's as if i'm not writing; i'm just part of the process.

It ended up being a song of a true story that took place in my building.  I lived in an apartment complex on Delmar in St. Louis.  A man shot a woman to death on the third floor of my building.  See, I live on the fourth floor and it happened in the apartment right underneath mine.  The man also shot four more people from his work and then shot himself.  It was all because the employer was taking out 3 times the amount they were supposed to for his child support and he wasn't able to pay his bills.  I'm sure he was working hard and the creditors kept harrassing him.  So, he decided to end his troubles by taking out all the people he could blame, his employer for taking the money and the mother of his baby for having the child.

I don't know the total effect of this man's actions.  I know there is a child who was once without a father and now has no mother either.  I know four others were killed and their family and those they were associated with were affected in some manor.  I know the man had a family. I don't know how close, but they had to be affected in some way.  I know 1/3 of my buiding's tennants moved out, all of which were the ones I personally knew and talked with frequently.  I know it was a front page story and probably read by thousands.  One thing I am learning to understand is that we are all connected by a shorter thread than we can understand.

I get the feeling that death isn't right.  I can't prove it.  This past weekend my step-grandmother died.  I cried when I found out.  Eventhough I've only seen her once in the last five years or so, I still felt a tangible loss.  And her death is considered "natural."  I think of losing an immediate family member and it almost immobilizes me.  I can't imagine how the gruesome incident that happened in my building has effected those closer to it than I am.

the lyrics are available on the song player.  I didn't know what to call it other than "This Really Happened in My Building."  That's the name because I can't believe this happened let alone in my building.

I'm not one to focus on the negative, but I do admit that they are there.  The negatives seem to make us question ourselves and others.  It definitely made me question the value of life.  Not only mine, but others.  It made me question what is more valuable to me than someone else's life or even my own life.  Don't worry, there will be sunnier journal entries.  I promise.