I haven't written a blog in a while so I thought, what the hell. Why not? Sorry it's so long.

But this past weekend, I had an experience on the road that I just had to share. Brian Hope, Jason Blanchard and myself headed on down the old 401 to the 402 and landed down in good old Sarnia Ontario. We were booked to do a show at a place called the Trinity Lounge. It used to be an old strip joint, but luckily for the crowd, the brass poles have been removed, otherwise they would have seen the way I can dance around a pole. That probably sounded way dirtier than I wanted it to, but hey, what can you do?

So we pull into town and arrive at the hotel that Mr. Hope booked for us. Now for those of you who don't know, Mr. Hope is quite well versed in the Hotel industry, having spent many years working for various hotel chains. So, naturally, I thought that he, with all that experience, would book us into a nice place.

The place that we were booked into was a lovely hotel called the Chipican Motel. Not a hotel. No, that would have been too classy. This was a motel. At first, from the parking lot, at dusk, it didn't seem that bad. Then we started walking to our rooms. We get up to the second floor and most of the screens on the doors are gone. We open up our room and the first thing I notice was the smell. It smelled like a mix of Windex and desperation. The bedspread must have really been something – back in 1972, which co-incidentally was the last time it looked like the hotel was cleaned.

There was hair in the shower. Now, hair in the shower wouldn't be that bad, if it were mine. But I have no idea what kind of hair this was. I'm not even sure it was human. And the place has a no pet policy. Yeah, like the biggest hygene issue in the place would be from a pet. Or, maybe the SPCA had been in for an inspection and deemed it unfit for animals. The next little bit of luxury was the mold and mildew in the shower and the corners in the bathroom. But by far, the piece de resistance was the hole in the back of the bathroom door that the hotel staff had "fixed" – with masking tape and some spray paint. I'm not sure, but I think I also saw blood stains on the walls and on the back of the door in the bathroom. Classy!

It was the worst place I've ever stayed in, and I've stayed at some shitholes. To give you an idea how bad it is, I did some digging on the internet and found out that the city of Sarnia uses this place as an emergency homeless shelter. Or I should say that they did. They sent in inspectors and decided that this place was even too run down for the homeless. Now that is saying something.

So we did the show. The show itself was really good. It was organized by Michelle Dionne, who runs SarniaRocks.com. I have no idea how many people were there. 60? 70? 100? No idea, but the place was full. And they were a great crowd too. Everybody was out to have a great time, and I think everybody did. But just a tip for the kids, it's not always the best idea to close on a battered woman joke.

Michelle then invited us out to a local bar called Boomerangs. Her and a bunch of her friends were out celebrating her birthday. Having spent my formative years in Peterborough, Boomerangs brought back a ton of memories. It reminded me a lot of a place called Copperfields. Well, Copperfields and 1985. There was a good mix of both acid wash a mullets, and there was a band there who were really good. (that's not even a joke, they were pretty good. Can't remember the name of them, but they were pretty solid.)

But the whole time in the back of my mind I'm thinking damn, we have to go back to the Chipican. I was tempted to try to pick up a lady just to crash at her place. But I called my girlfriend Sam and she wouldn't let me do that, so I went with plan B – 18 Budweiser's and a meat lover's pizza.

At the bar, we're talking to some of Michelle's friends and they inform us that there are a couple of drug dealers working out of the Chipican. Perfect. Just what I need. I think that one of them was beside my room. The whole night they were playing this god awful techno shit followed by some pussy ass R&B shit. I don't know what was more annoying to Blanchard, that music, or my 6 straight hours of snoring. Rumour has it he has some of it on tape.

Finally, I pass out and wake up well rested on top of the bedspread, fully clothed with a towel wrapped around my head. I didn't want to get scabies, bed bugs or head lice from this place you know. What I didn't know is you get a complimentary tick bath and de-lousing at the restaurant next door- a very nice touch, or so I thought.

So all in, it was a successful trip. Michelle seemed to like us. In fact, they've booked another show in April and are tentatively looking to do shows in July and October. I know I am really looking forward to getting back there again. But it looks like I'll have to wait until the July show, which is great, because I've heard Sarnia is a really fun place in the summer. But if you're around in Sarnia on April 19, pop by the Trinity Lounge and check out Todd Van Allen, Andrew Evans and comic to be named later who are on the bill. It'll be a great show. Enjoy the Chipican my friends. Enjoy!