i hate that i always want to be with him.
and i know that's the total opposite of what he wants
and i cry every night when i'm not with him
i'm afraid of losing him, but what if i've already lost him?

i thought i could do this.. this no boyfriend, all friends, then have the baby thing.. but all i do is sit and cry and i can't think of anything but wanting to be next to him.
unfortunately i have no way of contacting him.. so i can't even ask him if he wants me to come pick him up to go to the doctor with me tomorrow.

what am i supposed to do?
he doesn't want to live with me.
he says i'm crazy & a pscyho.
but he'll say he loves me, and kiss me..
and then he'll go off and ignore me for 4 hours just so he can hang out with his friends

well guess what?
i haven't even SEEN my friends.. or really talked to them the whole fucking time i've been with him. i'm going to have his kid and all he wants to do is leave me. he stayed with me for 2 nights.. but then he went back to his normal "let's ignore crystal" self.

but i know i can't complain about this forever. because all -I- want is to be with him, even after all the stupid shit that's happened. everyone has problems.. i just want to be happy, and i'm sure i'm not going to be without him.

even playing on the internet is boring because it's just something to use up the time between when i'll get to see him again.. if i ever do.


i just want my boyfriend back.
is that so bad to ask?