A few weeks ago I read an interesting article about how we decide if we like a person. Our intuition tells us we will feel more positively towards someone the more we know about them. However, research has shown this is not usually true.
First, a study was conducted by Moreland and Beach where they had 4 fake students attend college classes for a semester. Apparently due to the "exposure effect," other students were most favorably inclined toward the1 fake who had attended the most classes, although no one had ever even spoken to her.
I another study by Norton, Frost and Ariely, online daters were asked if they would prefer people that they knew more about. Most thought they would. However, the results showed that the opppossite was true. They reported: "
Effectively the more traits participants knew about another 'person', the more likely they were to find dissimilarities with themselves, and so the more likely they were to dislike them....once we perceive a dissimilarity, it's all downhill from there. Even traits we might have liked, or been neutral about before, now get the thumbs down."
The article concludes:"As this study shows, on the vast majority of occasions the less we know about someone the more we are inclined to like them. It's like the fake student in Moreland and Beach's study, ambiguity allows us to imagine that other people share our world-view, our personality traits or our sense of humour. Unfortunately as soon as we start to find out more about them, we're likely to find out how different they are to ourselves and, as a result, to dislike them."
However, they add that hope does spring eternal, because we generally remain optimistic and choose to recall the relationships with people we like when we are meeting someone new.
The Dandy Warhols
Bohemian Like You
The words are on the video, but warning, there is a bit of full frontal nudity:
Stevie Wonder
Love Having You Around
Please,
mama, mama, mama,
mama, mama, baby,
baby, baby, baby,
mama, mama, mama,
baby, baby, baby,
Listen Baby,
Every day I want to fly my kite,
Every day I want to fly my kite,
An' every day I want to get on my camel an' ride.
Oo yea
Every day I want to shake your hand, yea, yea, yea,
For in the world makin' me a better man,
An' every day I want to get on my camel an' ride
(On my camel ride, on my camel)
Oo Baby
And when the day is through,
Nothin' to do, sit around groovin' with you,
And I say it 'cause I love having you around,
And I say it 'cause I love having you around. Yea
Everyday I want to be your friend, (be your friend)
'Cause you have stuck with me through thick and thin
An' every day I want a smile in your lovely brown eyes,
(smile at your lovely brown eyes)
Oh yea
Every day I'm gonna give my share,
'Cause I know your gonna take me there, (hey, hey)
An' every day I want to get on my camel an' ride, Oo
(get on my camel)
And when the day is done,
Nothin' to do, spend all my time just loving you, (oh, yea)
An' I say it 'cause I love having you around, mm Baby
And I say it 'cause I love Oo having you around
Yea, yea, yea, yea, yea
Yea, yea, yea
An' in the end I know you'll be with me,
'Cause you made my soul so free, (so everyday)
an' every day I wanna get on my camel an' ride, yea
(on my camel)
And when the day is through,
Nothin' to do, spend all my time just lovin' you
An' I say it 'cause I love yea having you around.
(love having you around)
And I say it 'cause I love having you around yea, yea, yea
An' I say it 'cause I love having you around (having you around baby)
And I say it 'cause I love (can't you hear me people?) having you around
(can't you hear me people?)
And I say it 'cause I love having you around
(Can't you hear me say it? Can't you hear me say it baby?)
And I say it 'cause I love having you around
(An' I say it, I say it, Oo Baby, baby, Baby baby, baby)
An' I say it, (say it, say it, say it, Baby, baby baby)
An' I say it, (say it, say it, say it, Baby, baby baby)
An' I say it, 'cause I love (say it, say it, again)
having you around (say it, say it, just say it, say it, baby)
An' I say it, 'cause I love (say it, an' I keep saying it, I keep saying it)
having you around (say it)
An' I say it, 'cause I love (say it, say it)
having you around (say it, yea, yea, help me baby)
An' I say it 'cause I love (Thank God, for the one you love)
having you around (Than God, for the one you love)
An' I say it 'cause I love (Che-rish for the one you love)
having you around (I love my baby, love my baby, funky, funky, funky, yea)
(let me play, we just say, let me play)
And when the day is done, yea
Nothin' to do, spend all my time making loving you,
An' I say it 'cause I love having you around, (having you around)
An' I say it 'cause I love having you around
An' I say it 'cause I love having you around (my baby)
An' I say it 'cause I love having you around
An' I say it 'cause I love having you around
(baby stay around, baby stay right here, need you here, keep you right here)
An' I say it 'cause I love having you around
All right
ain't got the words
(Baby you're starting gabling, baby nobody)
Mm Baby
Mmm
Mmm
([Spoken:] The preceding has been put here on tape, to let
you all know that I say it to her because I love her,
Can you dig it? Can you get to that? Even when she's messin' around
He likes having her around even when she's messing around,
which is very often, that' what she's doing, the motion
...when she's messing around)
(This song totoally rocks!)
Ray Charles
You Don't Know Me
(The words are on the video. Such a tearjerker!)
To Know You is To Love You
Stevie Wonder & Syreeta Wright
To know you is to love you
But to know me is not that way, you see
'cause you made me so happy
That my love for you grows endlessly
When i'm down and feeling sad
You always comfort me
When i'm down and feeling sad
You always comfort me
Baby, to know you is to love you
You smile when i see your face
'cause there ain't no one on this earth
Baby, could ever, ever take your place
When i'm down and feeling sad
You always comfort me
When i'm down and feeling sad
You always comfort me
Oh to know you is to love you
Is to see you being free as the wind
'cause the power of your loving
Is too strong to hold within
To know you is to love you
To see you blowing free in the breeze
The power of your loving
I never found a woman like you
That could be my lover
And my best friend
I know you and i think i love you
I know you and i think i love you
I know you and can't you feel our love
Just growing, growing, growing
Growing, growing, growing
Hey, i know you and i think i love you
I know you and i think i love you
I know you and can't you feel our love
Just growing, growing, growing
Growing, growing, doggone it, baby
I know you and i think i love you
I know you and i think i love you
I know you and can't you feel our love
Just growing, growing, growing
Growing, growing, hey doggone it, baby
I know you and i think i love you
I know you and i think i love you
And i think you love me, too
Mm baby, i know you
(This was performed by BB King, on a 1973 album produced by Stevie Wonder.)
The More I See You
Harry Warren & Mark Gordon
The more I see you,
The more I want you
Somehow this feeling
just grows and grows
With every sigh
I become more mad about you
More lost without you
and so it goes
Can you imagine
how much I love you?
The more I see you
as years go by
I know the only one for me
can only be you
My arms won't free you,
and my heart won't try
(This was a hit in 1966 by Chris Montez, although it has been recorded by many other artists. Hilarious video.)
You Like Me Too Much
George Harrison
Though you've gone away this morning you'll be back again tonight,
Telling me there'll be no next time if I just don't treat you right,
You'll never leave me and you know it's true,
'Cause you like me too much and I like you.
You've tried before to leave me but you haven't got the nerve,
To walk out and make me lonely which is all that I deserve,
You'll never leave me and you know it's true,
'Cause you like me too much and I like you.
I really do and it's nice when you believe me if you leave me,
I will follow you and bring you back where you belong,
'Cause I couldn't really stand it I admit that I was wrong,
I wouldn't let you leave me 'cause it's true,
'Cause you like me too much and I like you.
'Cause you like me too much and I like you.
Graham ParkerPassion Is No Ordinary WordIt worked much better in a fantasy, imagination's one thing that comes easy
to me
'Cause this is nothing else if not unreal, when I pretend to touch you, you
pretend to feel
Passion is no ordinary word
Ain't manufactured or just another sound that you hear at night
We got new idols for the screen today, although they make a lot of noises
they got nothing to say
I try to look amazed, but it's an act, the movie might be new but it's the
same soundtrack
Passion is no ordinary word
Say how it feels, real useless ain't it
Wait until it bites right down inside you
The world is easy when you're just playing around
Everything's a thrill, every girl's a kill
And then it gets unreal
And then you don't feel anything
You don't feel anything
An object of desire you don't desire to be, I bet the shop window dummies
give in just as easily
I try to top but have to make you drop down to the floor
Moaning in the darkness as we fake some more
Passion is no ordinary word
Not just another sound that you hear at night