Soul Shaker

In my experience, every first quarter represents the most coarse and unforgiving time of year.  I’ve struggled with dire emotions that often plunged my soul into abyss amid winter and spring.  My nemesis is Valentines Day the halo of nightmare and an assailant I must defeat. 

I’ve poured my emotions onto others.  In return, I’ve received impressionable withdraw and fear from spiteful manipulation.  Of all seasons, this season punishes my hopeful spirit with such great vengeance and disdain.  In essence, the most loving time of year shuns me with the most disrespect and agony.  I don’t pry love and I don’t plan to love, and yet I somehow enter its tornado.  I hate this feeling!  I’m exhausted with torment. 

Finally, I cry.  I’ve managed to create my own river of emotion from the plaguing history of defeat on every first of a new year.  Late summer I anticipate and early fall I yearn—these two seasons represent settlement and tranquility for me.  This year, I’d like to break the finish line standing instead of rolling into soothing territory torn; it ain’t gonna happen.  My keen insights guide me well, but also they make me foolish this time of year.  The first sight of hope now gone bothers me significantly.  I was close to maintaining a loving, precious relationship with a powerful soul mate from friendship.  Now, I’ve dropped something that will more than likely drive her away.  She probed me during delicate hours.  I fear losing her and that she will never desire to understand why.  I have never been quite myself with good intentions in similar instances.  Once, I was sore.  Then, my heart numbed.  Now, it’s very dead.  Despair has never seemed so passionate and beautiful.  I’m overwhelmed entirely and just ready to roll again.