Hi.  We're on tour.  For about three weeks.  By the way, I'm going to include some of the absolutely retarded stuff that we find hilarious while we're out here.  You probably won't agree, but that's because you have no sense of goddamn humor.  Let's do this.

Here is how to start a tour.  Our first show was in New Orleans.  We left a little late as always.  Hit some traffic a few hours out and started to get nervous, but we did some calculating and it seemed like we'd show up on the venue at the exact time we were supposed to start playing.  THEN we hit the REAL traffic jam just outside LaFayette.  There was a wreck and we sat for about an hour and a half.  There was officially no way in hell we were going to get there remotely on time*.

Immediately after getting out of traffic, we stopped to pee at the Tiger Truck Stop, so named because there was an actual live tiger in a cage there.  But why?

Borrowed an amp from the band that had played before us which we didn't get to watch because we were too busy being totally late, got everything sounding sort of okay, and did our thing as hard as possible as quickly as possible.  I think that our brains were fried from worry that we might not get to play after driving (and sitting) for eight hours.  There were a decent number of people out and they seemed to have a good time while we played.

A guy named Matt had contacted us before the show to offer us a place to crash, on which we took him up.  He had an enourmous and enormously sweet Rottweiler, and Matt even cooked us delicious black beans and rice with sausage.  The spot was hit.  I crawled out to the van to sleep and made it until about 7:00am when it got too hot, then came in and slept for a while longer.  New Orleans is hot, guys.

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*On the upside, we were lucky enough to be stuck behind Eustice Adolf McGillicuddy, age 55.  He changed his name to Bench at about the same time he met his girlfriend, who was in the truck with him.  They met when he chaperoned his 16-year-old daughter at Ozzfest '03.  They first noticed each other in the mist tent when they realized that they had the same rainbow color combination in their yard-long maragritas.  His opening line was, "I cant wait to get to the green part.  Wanna race?"  She's only still with him because he hasn't paid her back for the sweet tribal tattoos on his arms.  He was jamming out pretty hard to some awesome nu-metal in front of us.  This involved lots of pointing.  We were pretty sure that the bed of his pickup was filled with inline skates.

"What a stupid religion that won't let you eat gold.  No thank you, sir."