This is so beautiful yuka
Thanks for sharing these words with us.
Luv,
Jeff
 

Hi Yuka!

I definitely was responding to the idea it was still present for you.

With parents in their 80's I dread them leaving me an orphan one day.

Through these writings I will have another look at where I may not be complete with them.

DB
 

I had the great fortune to spend time with my grandmother's during her last evening. It was a celebration, feeding her little bits of cheesecake and sips of beer.

Your mother was so dedicated to you, and your work is the fruit of her labors in raising you as well.

Peace and thanks,
david
 

BLESS YOU YUKA. MY MOTHER PASSED AWAY FROM CANCER and the day she died was december 8th. Hand strong becaus all the gifts she had now become yours peace2uxxxx SOlomon
 

I have been curiously following these blog entries of late regarding....how to call it, I suppose the impact of what is the Crisis of Living. We are indeed dying the moment we are born. Perhaps earlier. There is so much conspiring against us. In society, our families, our cultures, our DNA, etc. It is a wonder that we can do anything, become anything at all.

I must admit that I cringe at the analogy of war. I say this without meaning to take away anything from the point that LIFE is Struggle. Death and dying is also a struggle. I feel more at home with this "label" if you can call it that. The struggle when two forces meet. . . And as I write this I ask myself if they are really 2 separate forces or one in the same? Life or living and death and dying. Are they really 2 sides of the same coin?

I'm moved by the details of your experience with your mother, her disease, and her ultimate death. My mother is still living but my oldest sister who was 18 years older than me and very motherly indeed passed away this last year. It took my breath away. She inspired me because of her belief in me, her respect for me. She gave me a lot of self-confidence when it was sorely lacking. I believed because SHE did. Unfortunately, her life was filled with pain and demons. Demons that led to a life of alcohol abuse and perscription drugs that left her family including myself feeling helpless. My childhood closeness with my adult sister evaporated over the years as she became less and less HERSELF. I never forgot who was at the core. It was painful to witness and one's efforts to change the situation felt futile. But in life, we try. We press against the struggle. She may not have lived in the best possible way these last many years, but after her death in August I feel for certain that she passed it along to me. I carry her inside me or with me.

What was incredibly difficult was the timing of her death. I just began rehearsals for a piece based on RISING by Yoko Ono. A project about this very subject....Death, Loss, Survival. In my heart, I had secretly dedicated this project to my 4 sisters. And the day before rehearsals began, my sister was found in her bathroom. I mention this because it GREATLY informed my work. It had to. I had no choice. And I read in your last post that your art and work is also deeply affected by these memories and experience.


I have to say that I'm not much for life after death. It is very final in my viewpoint. However, experience and energy does not die. This is passed on and so to that end we do live on in a way.

I think you are right that each person presents a different reality. For me, I could not imagine "battling" demons in the way my sister did. It is not for me. To take up drugs and alcohol in that way. But I do not consider her weak either. She had so much strength in many ways.

When I hear "Rising", I think of my 4 sisters and their lives, their unique struggles and their pain. Even their rage. But I do not think it is a metaphorical war. Nor a battle either. But the struggle of simply ENDURING. To endure is enough and it is EVERYTHING.

I may have gone off track on my original points but I wanted to join in this discussion. Thank you Yuka for inviting it. ;)
 

Dear Yuka,

You’ve really shared yourself with this and your previous blog. To think of your mother going to the plum field is inspiring. Maybe that was her way of embracing life and not allowing illness to take it from her.

It sounds like you’re embarking on a great new adventure in self-awareness. I hope you learn to love and take care of yourself, because you truly deserve it. I don’t say this because you’re the great artist whose music has inspired us. I say it because you’re a human being, and everyone deserves self-love. I’m sure there’s much more to your inner beauty than what we fans can experience through your art.

As far as prioritizing others, even if you never write or play another note of music, you’ve already given others so much. I hope you pursue your own dreams, whatever they are. If that means sharing more of your art, then many of us will be glad to come along for the ride.

Lots of love to you, and unending happiness,

Derek
 

She sounds like quite a valiant lady.
 

I just read your words ...
you have a beautiful and open way to communicate with others, ...thanks for sharing your personal experience with us ... strangers , so many people in so different places , gracias , thanks for that beautiful gesture ...por la confianza ciega

and ... keep on trusting humanity ,

Empathy y amor

Natalia de Chile
 

i love reading this. you and your brother her only spoiled audience ... her bravery ... the overheard quiet vedic chanting, despite what you'd hoped at that moment ... her picking each appropriate plum, despite the inconvenience, for the perfect plum wine. being taken away by those images.
 

YUKA...I JUST WANNA SAY...THANKS FOR BEING SO GRATEFUL WITH LIFE!!
 

Good Mothers are much more valuable and honorable than societies generally acknowledge ... I think because, for some stupid reason, the Male of the species has been placed in a higher authority (i.e. God is thought by some to be male, etc. -the Father), as if in a competitive role with Women. Yeah, it's stupid. Good Mothers and Good Fathers are both wonderful.

Anyway, thank you for this tribute to your mom. My mother is turning 80 this summer, and is currently recovering from her first heart attack. She is awesome. Her life has been riddled by abuses from others - my dad, for one - and a sort of self-inflicted dietary abuse. But she is eating better and gaining new energy for the rest of the road. I don't want to lose her, and I say that very selfishly.

I love our spiritual talks, our laughing times, and her hands. There are no hands like the loving hands of a parent. Her warm tender touch is my best memory so far with her. And did I mention her humor? She's a dynamic influence on me in many ways -and the older I get, the more powerful I see her, and feel damn proud of her life.

Thank you again, Yuka. May your quest be a most wonderful one!
 

Whatever is reflected in the music you make, my ears seem to get a lot of nutrients from your sound! I didn't really know much about your personal life, but thanks for sharing a little bit with us!
 

I am finding as I get older.. my feelings and my relationship with my Mom are changing a lot. We come to understand each other more and more lately. I really want to get to a peaceful place with her because I lost my father in my early twenties and I realize that we won't be here forever.
 

Our culture (the world culture) tries to brainwash us that we have to distance and diminish our emotional bond to our mothers. That is something we must reject. Keep that close emotional bond with your mom. If you stay close as you become an adult you become a dear friend to your mom and she to you. Thats the bond my younger sister and I had with our mom. My mother suddenly died on August 21, 2005 of a blood clot to her heart- she was 69 years old. I still miss her, not just as my mother but as a dear friend.

My mother was born July 1936. She was one of those nonfamous second wave feminists. She insisted on continuing to use her first name when she married, not becoming Mrs. C. W. but Mrs S. W., she fought to have the bank put both her name and my dad's name on the account and the checks- my mom paid the bills and did the taxes every year (very uncommon back in 1960, when my mom married) When she played tennis for fun as a teenager she competed, she even beat two boys playing against her solo. There were no school sports for girls back when my mom was in high school- if there had been I have no doubt my mom would have been the star of her school's tennis team. When my parents were married (they divorced when I was 11) my mom would play tennis with my dad and beat him almost every time! My mom subscribed to Ms. magazine, soon after it started publishing. I started reading it when I was 8 years old. I became part of the nonfamous founding age group of third wave feminism- most of us were from poor to lower middle class families.

Yuka, don't feel ashamed of that strong emotional bond with your mom, celebrate it, hold it in your heart. It's a gift from her that will always be with you.
 

> Our culture (the world culture) tries to brainwash us that we have to distance and diminish our
> emotional bond to our mothers.

You don't know much about Asian cultures, do you? In China, _most_ families are very close. I also see that in Vietnamese, Korean, and Thai cultures. I'm speaking about people whom I know, and what I've observed while traveling in those countries.

The US Culture is not "world culture." It's far from it; US is segregationist and tries to separate itself from other countries, despite the fact that most of American culture *is* culled from other cultures.

I hesitate to speak of Japanese people, although I know quite a few. The ones I know who were not born in the US are -- to put it politely -- the "freer" types However, the women still have very strong bonds to the other women in their families. For example, my friend I.- is very close to her mother and sister. Ditto with my friends M.-, Y.-, and J.-. One of those women is very young, two are close to my age, and one of them is significantly older.

Myopia, coupled with ignorance of other cultures and other people, is what condemns the US; the inability to see past their own culture, and the inability to understand peoples of other worlds.

I, too, am an American. I've tried to educate myself in other peoples and other cultures; I've learned quite a few languages including Japanese, Chinese, French, and Spanish; I don't know if I've been successful or not. That's for other eyes to determine.
 

Uh that was a nasty response and rather insensitive of you Rob. Perhaps you missed Yuka saying this "It's a little embarrassing to be such a mother complex when I'm a grown adult." My response was a very personal one directed at Yuka speaking of my own similar close connection to my late mother. Rather than cultural "myopia" you so readily slammed me with, I was speaking to Yuka of our similar bonds with our moms despite cultural differences, and despite world culture's pressures to drop that bond "to become adult".

I am a southern US woman and we also have intense bonds with our families, especially female members to other female members of a family- at least for those of us over 35. Our ancestors came dominately from Scotland in the 1600's and 1700's when family clan structures were still quite strong, that structure created the close extended family bonds that were still common when I was growing up in the late 1960's-early 1980's. Southern US family bonds have a lot of similarities to traditional Japanese family bonds. But both have faced challenges from the world culture- yes, coming from sociotechnological world connections and the demands this places on us, and sociological and psychological criticism of the close mother/adult child bond that was common in both cultures that made its way into the world cuture sexist dismissal of the bond between a mother and her grown children. In psychology around the world an adult keeping a close emotional bond with their mother is considered a disorder- you are "stuck" in childhood. This has become a common belief in regular culture around the world- Perhaps the term "mamma's boy" might ring a bell? Having a close bond with one's father, however is not given the same censure, compare the image "daddy's girl" puts in your head to "mamma's boy".
 

that was beautiful. thanks for sharing, yuka.
 

Mothers can bring great strength. They can teach great strength. You are very lucky to have had such a mother.


I lost my mother the week I got pregnant with my first child. I cried for 5 years... off and on. Sometimes, I still cry... because I miss her. However, she still brings me great strength... when I think of her and what she would have said in times of my sadness. How valiant she was! I have tried to instill this strength into both of our girls.


Lili, our 2nd daughter, does MySpace with me. We invite you to visit us sometime. We support musicians.
:)

This was a wonderful story you wrote. Thank you so much for sharing it.


Hugs from Canada,

The M (mother) of The D (daughter) from GirlTalkMD :)