I dont belive in love anymore. I discovered this recently.

I dont see how there could be anyone out there who is currently accepting of the things ive done with my life and completely willing and able to move past it.
Judgement free and trustworthy

I dont belive - even if i do find someone like this - that i will even believe them. When ive been lied to over and over and over again since Freshmen year.
Girls without daddys to tell them no seem to date at a very young age
But thats just an observation.

All you need is love? The Beatles were on drugs. Literally. And thank God for that.

I really don't see anything i can trust in anymore. ON my 12th birthday i didnt get accepted to Hogwarts, when i was 16 a long lost rich grandmother didnt swoop me up and tell me i was the princess of genovia, and i dont believe that love can hold up to my standards either.

You can say that my heart has been broken one too many times, i like to call it, slightly bent but extremely guarded.

I am now very very doubting of true intentions. Which sucks, i know youre trying. Really. You have to understand though where im coming from and what i've been through

I've had boyfriends, much older than i, who were abusive. In public and behind doors. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.
I've had boys that i've let live with and my best friend, who in return, decided to steal all my stuff and break up with me via text message.
I've had boys that i dated for about a year, supported, and even bought them rock band because they were having a bad day. And instead of saying a simple thank you they thought it was more appropriate to cheat on me with a girl who i believe somewhat resembles carrotop
I've had boys that i completely put my life on hold for. That turned around and told me i wasnt good enough and will never be good enough to even be considered as anything but... one of the guys.

Yes, i can agree im a bit clumsy. But i dont fall the hard or that fast. All or even most of these guys have good hearts. I honestly believe that. However, i just believe that love isnt on my side.
It never has been and it never will be.

Anyways, where im trying to go with this is, i find it interesting that as soon as i move back from Fresno, i get messages/texts/calls
"Soooo you want to hang out sometime?"
"I know this really nice place downtown..."
"I have Bacardi!" --- this almost gets me everytime

and the oh so pleasent
"I want to get to know you"

Please. Im sorry. I dont want to be known as heartless, or a bitch, or whatever we're calling it these days.
Please, just stop. You're all pretty neat. But i've simply just stopped believing in it all.
The fireworks, the butterflies, the good intentions.

everything

And until the boy from Wife Swap calls me and tells me im perfect and he likes the color purple

All i want is to be your friend.
Cause you can never have enough of those right?

Edit : Reading this it seems as if im very anti-love
im not at all. I want to love until my heart simply BURSTS
im just not down for the idea of relationships and aware of the fact that i simply cant fall in love
as i see a big difference

and im happy :) very very happy :)