Greetings Surface people

Long time no speak and to be true, long time no update. The reason for that?  The truth?  Too busy AND I was on a mission to discover the centre of the earth.  I also haven't updated my gigs which I apologise for but they take a while to update and when it came to tour dates and the like I find any my space updating business very quickly embeds itself to the back of the old mind and by the time I remember to put up dates and updates too much time has passed and besides Rico (you know who you are son) is supposed to be responsible for it.  He takes my updates but doesn't put them up as he smokes far too much for an old man.  Okay, he's only 25, but still, get a grip Rico or ill come over to Denmark, steal your weed, beat you up and traumatize you (although you'll probably enjoy the last bit, the last two bits in fact).  For anyone who thinks they recognize the name, Rico is a famous Danish model for a popular Vodka.  Yes, look him up and ladies get out the Andrex, I employed him for his wonderful organizational skills.

Anyhoo…What have I been doing since 2007?  Well….

I've been gigging hard and fast over the UK and doing the dirty Euro festivals.  Videos for those will be up soon.
I now tour with DJ's and posse including a Gypsy Rock band when I can take them with me.  Expect a mixed random rockfest of tunelage and all decent tunes recorded between 2000 and now so nearly a decade of quality shizzam.

CONKERS

We were Me, You and yer man and now after a lengthy break, we became The Conkers, a gypechno tinged rock folk act.  They are Jonjo aka Gandalf (Accordian/DJ/Producer), Adam (Fiddle/Violin), Chris (Drums/Percussion), Soom (vocals), Alistair (Bass), Dan Drayne (Guitar), Emily (Additional Vocals) and various others but the above being core.

"The music is original and rips the cunt right out of anything you'll have heard before" That was a genuine drunken Scot review.

The live 'Conkers' shows will be coming with me the next time and have become a tasty segment of the between 2-3 hour act (which is average for most of ma gigs these days) so feel free to make one if you are in the vicinity.   The Gypechno (genre name a working progress) album by Conkers will be finished completely on January 1^st with the release shortly afterwards so hold onto your saddles for this will be one ride you didn't expect.

We have been described as a superior Gogol Bordello which I tend to agree with despite the over indulgent boastful quality of the aforementioned statement although Gogol rock it big time and I do speak better English which gives me a slight advantage on the English vox fron

ROOT 8

The album is still underway.  I'll say no more except that my old Monkey tribe buddy Griff has re-joined his old tune mate to resurrect some excellent musical magic from the depths of his tunefully mischievous soul.  They are already shaping up to be belters.  Nice one G.

MUNGOS HIFI and SCOTCH BONNET

I've been recording some more quality with the lads, Tom, Doug and Craig and you will hear them when they come out so until then, go away and listen to something else such as anything from Scotch Bonnett. 

Those finely peppered reggae meisters of the Weej have been too busy again.  I say 'too' busy because these dudes work a lot even by my standards but I still get time to watch videos at night and smoke weed (I quit since I wrote this and added this to be sure) whilst listening to the recorded tunes of the day. I also have time to cook 2 meals a day so I do take it easy even though I work … well, like a workhorse.

Anyhoo, after the 2, 10" vinyl's released in 2007, 2008 has seen them release their debut album, and shit hot it is too so go and buy it and you'll hear that I'm on it as-well making it an even better buy.  They also have various other releases so check their site via my top friends and have a sneaky.

SMART EYE

The Smart Eye Newspaper is a monthly newspaper created, printed and distributed by myself to various outlets within Scotland and posted to the few subscribers in Europe who have already seen the benefit of reading such a publication.

The Smart Eye is a newspaper aimed at individuals tired and disillusioned with the celebrity litter which deserves a place only as an under carpet layer or toilet paper and not serious news adorning our breakfast tables.  How dare they?  So order your copy now.
The first bona fide episode will be available on January 1^st in all good shops.

Annual subscription only £10 and that includes postage.  Send a cheque/postal order payable to 'Smart Eye' to:  Smart Eye Newspapers, 11 Southpark Avenue, Glasgow, G12 8JA.

 MINI BURNSONG WITH RURAL KIDS – August 2008

 Was amazing and it was brilliant to work with the youth and have music and the performance be all about the youth we met and not about our own musical careers.  What a delightful experience and I will surely be working with the youth from rural domains again as I had far too good a time going on tour with the great bunch in August.  Lets not forget, some of the songs written by them are worthy of becoming hits and they were all far superior to anything by James Blunt (without insulting the waynes too much) including little 5 year old Ryan's song 'Don't put me down' which could bring a tear to the eye of a glass monkey.  Maybe you should book James Blunt the next time Kim and he could get some tips off Ryan although Blunt probably wouldn't pass the disclosure as he 's a consumer of illegal substances AKA a he's a cokehead so that rules that poor idea out.  Och well, better luck next time.

Back together with Kim, Sushil, Karine and Mattie and it was like the Burnsong re-united but without a few key characters missing although we did gain Karines heroic brother Steven so all in all we had it nailed.  The kids made it worth it all the same and represented for the musos of the world.  I think we'd all agree…Nice.

MAFFI / DISRUPT / JAHTARI

I have recently been putting my head together with Jahatari's Jan (the man with many aliases) to devise some new hybrid reggae rock n roll tunes (I call it Rockgae music although I wouldn't be throwing that name about in Bennetts).  Expect them shortly.  Ill be joining the crew for gigs in Leipzig with the first in Glasgow alongside Da Mungos Hifi on October 24^th at the Art School.  Expect to see you all there.

BURNS UNIT

Yes, that's what the Burnsong posse is now called.  After much deliberation and about a 1000 emails a week the Burns Unit is now a living breathing musical machine.  All that can really be said is…"ya'll be waatchin dat space naow…!!"  That was meant to be a Jamaican accent but as with most of my accents sounds like a hybrid of Irish, Japanese, Ozzy Mexican and Didgeridoo. 

MARRIAGE

I always said I wouldn't do it but I've decided to marry a cute younger guy with blue eyes and a very sexy demeanor.  What more could a girl ask for in a husband except a slave personality and a big c….!

I won't be inviting a lot of people.  It will be private and reasonably small, 50 odd mates in another country, somewhere hot and wearing only a bikini made out of ice and a fur coat.  However if you don't get invited don't worry and do get offended.  It means I don't like you very much!

(I was dumped since I wrote this…so…any takers?) Answers on a postcard with a box of chocolates, anything from Jane Norman size 16 to an 18 and a score note (new ideally, I like the crisp smell and the way the Queen looks younger on the new ones) to me at the corner of Sauchiehall Street infront of that smelly pub Driftwood where I'll be selling the Smart Eye with a Council license hanging around my neck shouting "Evening Times" since it seems to have the right effect.

So until the storms come
Let us all be like one and dont pass to me as I'm trying to quit
Luv ya'll, sub, dub, rubadub and a big bear hug
Soom  T