Hello all,
My attention has been drawn to a review of the Ultimate Chill gig we played in Dundee last Friday night. You can find it here. It's from a website with lots and lots of reviews of Dundee gigs, most of them with a level of grammar one would expect in a Primary School, but the less said about that the better. Anyway, let's go through the review, and see what insights this reviewer has to offer us...
First, this reviewer (I'm not sure what his name is and, frankly, I can't be bothered finding out), rather bizarrely lays into the setup of the Ultimate Chill competition, and then the sound at the start of the gig. Observe:
'pretty vital, was the thought "the sound in here is absolutely shocking" as this monumental wall of mush banged off every wall in the place, collided into each other [sic] and ended up somewhere south of Edinburgh.'
If anyone can decipher the horrendous word salad of this sentence, answers on a postcard to the usual address. I think he may be getting at the fact that the sound wasn't that great at the start of the gig. Good lord! A gig where the sound isn't good at the start?! Surely not! Methinks this reviewer needs to get out more.
So, on to the bands. First up, the Black Velveteens:
'So, the first band went by, I felt a bit sorry for them, but had no idea what their songs sounded like.'
Then you should have been listening. I was standing in the crowd during this band's set and I got a very good idea what their songs sounded like.
Next, Liquid Blue:
'This time more of an indie band,* theirs was a competent set with songs that revealed no real hooks or choruses,* the singer having a decent voice,* but the sound had its moments while the PA was still having its own,* still echoey but you could make out more of what was going on,* as the band played on,* not going down,* for some reason,* quite as well as the first band'
As you can see, I've added an asterisk in for every comma in that sentence. I hate to labour the point about grammar, but this is horrible. Anyway, as for the substance - I actually found one of Liquid Blue's songs the most memorable of the evening (the one where the acoustic guitar plays two chords, echoed by the distorted electrics - class!), but I suppose that was a matter of opinion. Callel were next:
'Anyway, the acoustic duo came on, I found them boring as hell, lost the will to live and sauntered to the bar.'
Only someone dull of wit, hard of hearing or short of musical knowledge could have failed to be impressed by Callel's beautiful harmonies and expert songsmithery. This reviewer proves himself to be all of the above.
Next, the band the reviewer really wanted to see - The Peski Kings (this evidenced by the fact that the review is titled 'Peski Kings + The Electrolites - Fat Sams 24/08/07' even though it was in no way a Peski Kings gig). Predictably, a glowing review:
'With a set of songs that were catchy, instant, solidly performed and inventive (for detail see any of my past reviews of this band)'
Oh! And there was me thinking he was reviewing the gig on Friday! No, no, he was merely complimenting his friend's band on their songs which he already knew. Great! He continues:
'Song-wise, they did six of the best and turned in a performance that gott he [sic] best applause of the night (although, to be fair to the others, only to be expected as they were the home band!!). But the fact remains that it was, song and performance-wise, head and shoulders above what we'd heard so far'
'To be fair to the other bands'?! Fair?! Don't make me laugh. You've been anything but fair since the start of your shoddy, biased, and I must say rather unlettered review.
So, onto his coverage of Whale Engineering. Now, I don't want anyone to think I'm unhappy that he didn't like us - I could not care less. I merely want to point out a few factual innacuracies, of which there are many. First:
'even the last number showing the lead guitarist playing a trumpet that simply didn't fit in with the song in any way shape or form, memorable for all the wrong reasons.'
Now, if my memory serves me well, I'm pretty sure I'm not the lead guitarist of Whale Engineering, and I'm pretty sure I played the trumpet on Friday night, but who am I to disagree with this reviewer, who is obviously the supreme arbiter of truth and justice in Dundee indie band reviews.
'...for they did a cover version. They launched into Elvis Presley's "Jailhouse Rock". Now, in every other "Battle of the Bands" style competitions that I've seen, been involved with and covered, it has to be all original material, and here was a band doing a cover version - I watched with heavy heart as one of the judges bounced up and down to this track, and sadly knew at this point that this band would get through to the next round - and I was right. ... No disrespect to the band that did it, but this was crazy.'
Well, you were right in a completely and utterly wrong sort of way. We didn't get through to the next round! What on earth are you talking about? Also, there was nothing in the rules that said bands weren't allowed to do covers, and I think ours lasted about 2 minutes of a 20 minute set. What, exactly, was your objection to this? 'This was crazy'? Explain why, and show your work. Oh, and one more thing:
'With a lead singer/guitarist who was exaggerating every move, although admittedly quite eye-catching in a kind of rabbit-in-the-headlights kind of way...'
What kind of mixed and confused metaphor is this? Were the audience the rabbits in the headlights? Was I the rabbit in the headlights? But I thought rabbits in headlights didn't move? Oh, I'm so puzzled.
So, all said, a rather sorry collection of tin-eared ramblings, journalistic clichés and as a computer-knowledgeable friend of mine has noted, 'execrable' HTML. Another friend of mine described the review as 'the worst case of sour grapes I've ever seen', owing to the blatant friendship between the Peski Kings and the reviewer. So, to the reviewer - get your facts right next time, please.
Stuart
P.S. I apologise for the length of this, but there were lots of bands I had to defend!